Bridal showers aren't required, so if you're not interested, here's how to spread the word.
Not every to-be-wed wants a bridal shower, and that's totally their call. While saying "no" to having a bridal shower should be simple in theory, declining a friend or family member's offer to throw you one can be tricky. Plus, bridal showers are common (and fun!), and since your loved ones want to celebrate your engagement, they might simply assume you're down to do so with a shower. Don't panic and don't feel guilty. Here are some tactful ways to spread the word about your preference to skip a shower or celebrate in another way.
Spread the word to your wedding party (if you've chosen them) and family.
If you say something from the get-go, you'll curb any eager party planner's ideas to start, well, planning (we all have that one friend). Your trusted confidantes can then spread the word to others for you. You'll also avoid hurt feelings—people will know they weren't excluded from the bridal shower, but that you're just not having one. Have your parents let their families know and ask your bridal party spread the word to friends.
Don't be shy about your reasons for not wanting a bridal shower.
It's your wedding, so you don't have to make excuses. You'll put the point to rest faster if you don't try to dodge it with vague explanations of "bad timing." Your friends will likely understand if you explain that you've just never been into bridal showers and don't want one for yourself. Your friends will likely know to back off, but it's possible some family members of a different generation see a bridal shower as an important right of passage and an essential wedding event. All you can do is explain your point of view and stand firm, and everyone else will come around.
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Do something completely different.
If a someone insists on throwing you some kind of get-together, and you'd be comfortable with it, you could brainstorm some alternative prewedding party ideas (ever heard of a stock the bar party?). It's likely the reason they're so insistent is because they want the chance to spend some more time with you and don't want you to miss the opportunity to feel like the guest of honor (or they don't want you to regret not having one later on). These days showers come in all forms—consider a small gift-less lunch (or ask friends to donate to charity instead of gifts), an afternoon at a brewery or a trip the spa.
Just say, "Thank you for thinking of me!I really appreciate the offer, but I am not comfortable having a shower." You don't have to justify why you don't want one; it's not required. Thanks, that makes me feel better about declining.
What are some polite phrases to use when turning down a shower invitation? Polite phrases include "I regretfully cannot attend," "I appreciate the invite, but I'm unable to make it," and "Thank you for thinking of me, but I'm unable to join the celebration."
While I absolutely appreciate the sentiment & gesture, I have to tell you that having a bridal shower is really just not something that I want. It's kind of you to offer, but I'm going to have to decline as this is just not my thing (or insert another reason here).
Spread the word to your wedding party (if you've chosen them) and family. If you say something from the get-go, you'll curb any eager party planner's ideas to start, well, planning (we all have that one friend). Your trusted confidantes can then spread the word to others for you.
Thank you for thinking of me regarding [specific favor]. Your trust means the world! Unfortunately, due to [brief explanation, if comfortable sharing], I won't be able to assist this time. I'm sending all my best and hope you find the support you need!
“Just be gentle, be honest, and talk about it. There could be financial reasons you can't participate, or it could be that you don't have enough time to do it and you don't want to disappoint. Explain that gently, and the bride will understand.”
Traditional etiquette dictates that the maid of honor—not the mother of the bride—should host the shower. Nancy is a freelance writer for MarthaStewart.com. Some etiquette rules were meant to fade away into oblivion, like the one about family members of the bride not hosting her bridal shower.
Today, it's common for the maid of honor or matron of honor — sometimes in conjunction with the mother of the bride — to plan the shower. However, the bridesmaids, wedding party, and the bride's family can all pitch in if necessary.
Rather than giving a detailed explanation for why you cannot attend their party, you can be diplomatic. “As excited as I was when I received your invitation, I am disappointed that I have plans for the same night. I know your party will be a huge success, and I regret I cannot attend to enjoy it with you.”
"Thanks for thinking of me. Unfortunately, I'm not feeling up for it, but I would love to see you next week instead.” You don't always have to give a concrete reason why you're saying no to hanging out—especially if there isn't one.
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