I have often been puzzled by something missing from the Bible: marriage ceremonies.
Although lots of people are married in the Bible, there are no descriptions of any ceremonies. Adam and Eve are “married” simply by the fact that they are made for each other and they procreate. Jacob marries Leah by mistake, which happens not because of a disguised bride at a wedding ceremony, but because he consummates the marriage in the darkness of a tent. Jesus attends a wedding in Cana which consists of a family party, but no ceremony is described. The only “ceremony” I can find in the Bible is Tobit 7:12-14 in which a father places the hand of his daughter in the hand of the husband, and then writes a contract. The reason why there are no marriage ceremonies in the Bible is because marriage did not involve a ceremony. Marriage in the Bible simply consists of a man and woman, with the consent of the woman’s father or guardian, living together and attempting procreation. No vows, no priest, no ritual, no prayer, no pronouncement, no license, no registration. This is quite different from how we define and enact marriage today. Today, for a marriage to be “real” it must be legal; in other words, it must be recognized by the laws of the state and registered with the state. Also, for many Christians, a marriage is not a “Christian marriage” unless it is officiated by a credentialed minister who makes a verbal pronouncement, preferably in the presence of the congregation. But these are all recent innovations. For most of human history, marriage has simply been an agreement, recognized or arranged by the immediate families, for a man and woman to live together. Marriage as a legal institution, and as a religious ceremony, began as a result of the Reformation. Beginning in the Middle Ages, churches kept records of who was married to whom. But Luther viewed marriage as a “worldly matter,” and so he turned over the recording of marriages to the state. Calvin believed that for a marriage to be valid it needed to be both recorded by the state and officiated by the church. The Catholic Church did not require marriages to be officiated by a priest until 1563, and the Anglican Church did not get around to making this requirement until 1753. So for the past five hundred years there have been, in the European tradition, three kinds of marriage: legal, religious, and social. But social marriage, strictly speaking, is the most biblical. What would happen if the church today were to once again recognize social marriage? It would mean that couples living together, particularly those raising children, could be treated as married even if they are not legally married or have not undergone any kind of religious ritual. Indeed, during most of history, society as well as the church would have regarded such couples as married. Since a growing number of couples today are choosing to live together and raise children without a ceremony or legal license, it may be advantageous for the church to look more kindly and inclusively upon them. Otherwise, we will alienate these couples and they will not benefit from the guidance and support of the church. This does not mean the church should stop advocating for religious ceremonies and legalized marriages. These innovations have important purposes. A public ceremony that includes vows and prayers makes the couple’s commitment to each other clear, links the couple’s love to the sacred story of God’s love, and gives the community and congregation an explicitly supportive role in helping to maintain the marriage. A legally recognized marriage gives the couple various rights and benefits, provides additional stability to the relationship, and protects both spouses and children in case of divorce. The church supports marriage and family the best, I think, when it recognizes that couples who intend to share their lives together represent a type of marriage. I do not know why an increasing number of couples in our society are choosing not to legally marry, but we are doing them no good by rejecting them. Let us instead welcome them, treat them as if they were married, and advocate for the benefits of public religious ritual and legal status.
Ryan Ahlgrim is the pastor of First Mennonite Church in Richmond, Va.
FAQs
While a wedding ceremony is not prescribed in the Scriptures, we most definitely see it described and illustrated in several places. A wedding was very much a community and social event. In Psalm 45 we find the sons of Korah explaining what a royal wedding ceremony looked like.
Where is marriage located in the Bible? ›
In the Old Testament, we are taught, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Married couples are meant to be unified in every possible way.
What did a marriage ceremony look like in biblical times? ›
Summary. Weddings in the Bible were lavish, noisy and costly – much as they are today. The bride and groom both wore expensive clothing, and were the center of attention. Guests and family were expected to give gifts to the young couple, and the families of the bride and groom also had obligations.
Where in the Bible does God ordain marriage? ›
A true marriage is the joining together by God of a man and a woman to become one flesh -MATTHEW 19:6. And any man, that is so joined together, to a wife is commanded by God to leave father and mother, and cleave to his wife.
Is wedding allowed in the Bible? ›
The reason why there are no marriage ceremonies in the Bible is because marriage did not involve a ceremony. Marriage in the Bible simply consists of a man and woman, with the consent of the woman's father or guardian, living together and attempting procreation.
Are wedding vows in the Bible? ›
People automatically think that wedding vows derive from the Bible. However, there are no vows to be found anywhere in the text. According to Weddingwire, the Medieval Church in England first mentioned wedding vows.
Where does Jesus mention marriage? ›
In Matthew 19:4-5, Jesus reaffirms this: “He answered, 'Have you not read that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one'?”
What are God's three purposes for marriage? ›
In simplified terms, pastors like Voddie Baucham would say that God's purpose for marriage involves procreation, sanctification, and illustration.
When did marriage start in the Bible? ›
Old Testament. Christians interpret the Genesis creation account as telling the story of when God instituted marriage, which they hold to have taken place after the creation of the first woman, Eve, from Adam, the first man. The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone.
What does Jesus say about marriage? ›
In the second, the Pharisees question Jesus, saying: “Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for any cause?” And Jesus answers by attributing that command to their “hardness of heart” (Mark 10:5) and appealing to the order of creation found in Genesis, concluding that man and woman are not two but one (10:8), and ...
In the days of Jesus Christ a marriage was arranged by the fathers of both the groom and bride. Essentially, the bride was considered the property of her father until such time as the father representing a different family established a contract with her father to give her hand in marriage.
How does God define marriage? ›
As first described in Genesis and later affirmed by Jesus, marriage is a God-ordained, covenant relationship between a man and a woman. This lifelong, sexually exclusive relationship brings children into the world and thus sustains the stewardship of the earth.
Who was the first married couple in the Bible? ›
As the very first couple, Adam and Eve are infamous for disobeying God and bringing sin into the world. But the Creation story also presents a positive vision of God's intention for the roles of men and women in relationship to each other.
How does God view marriage in the Bible? ›
Marriage is not just a social convention; it is a holy, God-given vocation, meant to be the earthly image of the love between God and his people. “For your husband is your Maker, the Lordof hosts is his name” (Is 54:5). God's love is that of a faithful bridegroom passionately in love with his bride.
Why is 1 Corinthians 13 read at weddings? ›
If marriage is ideally a lifelong commitment in which both parties pledge themselves to one another, with the goal of loving the other person more than oneself, then the words of 1Cor 13 —to be patient and kind, to persevere, to keep no record of wrongs, and to seek not one's own benefit—provide a poignant “how-to” for ...
What does Proverbs 31 say about marriage? ›
A truly good wife is the most precious treasure a man can find! Her husband depends on her, and she never lets him down. She is good to him every day of her life, and with her own hands she gladly makes clothes. She is like a sailing ship that brings food from across the sea.
What is Romans 12:10 in marriage? ›
Romans 12:10 In-Context
9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.
What are the spiritual vows for wedding? ›
I promise to encourage and inspire you, to stand by you and stand up for you. I promise to laugh with you, cry with you, and grow with you. I will hold your hand with every one of our days together. I promise to be your navigator, best friend, and wife; honor, love, and cherish you through all life's adventures.
