Explained: What is sologamy or ‘self-marriage’? (2024)

Explained: What is sologamy or ‘self-marriage’? (1)Kshama Bindu' s wedding, being seen as one of the first instances of self-marriage or "sologamy" in the country, is slated for June 11. (Photo: IE Bangla)

A 24-year-old Vadodara woman, Kshama Bindu, on Thursday (June 2) announced that she would marry herself later this month, in what she described as an “act of self-love”. The wedding, being seen as one of the first instances of self-marriage or “sologamy” in the country, is slated for June 11.

What is sologamy?

Sologamy is the act of marrying oneself in a public ceremony, also referred to as self-marriage or autogamy. While such a marriage has no legal sanction or status, the symbolic ceremony is used by many as an act to emphasize their self-love and independence.

When did the trend begin?

It can be traced back to Linda Baker, a dental hygienist from the US, who married herself in 1993. It is widely considered the first publicized act of self-marriage which was attended by around 75 of Baker’s friends, where the bride said “I do” to honour herself in sickness and in health until the day she’s not there.

A sologamy divorce was also reported last year when a Brazilian model, Cris Galera (33), announced she was ending her solo-marriage after just 90 days as she had fallen in love with someone else.

What kind of ceremonies does self-marriage involve?

There are no rules or social norms. They can be similar to traditional two-people weddings, or not. Since the trend picked up, service providers too have come up in different corners of the world to help their self-marrying clients.

Explained: What is sologamy or ‘self-marriage’? (2)

“Marry Yourself” in Canada offers consulting and wedding photography, while IMarriedMe.com in San Francisco offers sologamy ceremony kits, including wedding band and vows. In Kyoto, Cerca Travel offers a two-day self-wedding package.

Announcing her plans to marry herself, Bindu said that she will have a wedding complete with all rituals like pheras and applying sindoor.

Why is the trend finding resonance across the globe?

Alexandra Gill, the founder of Marry Yourself Vancouver, told CBC News, “Today, for the first time in history, women can afford to live on their own, build their careers, buy their homes, create their own lives, have children if they choose. Our mothers and grandmothers didn’t have this option….The idea of sologamy could involve the practice of self-marriage, but it’s also turning the stigma of the sad, lonely spinster on its head. Women are tired of being told they’re failures if they haven’t married by a certain expiry date.”

In her book ‘Quirkyalone’, author and life coach Sasha Cagen writes: “The common theme in most of the stories (about self-marriage) that I hear is a commitment to take care of oneself as one hopes or imagines that a lover would. Women also frame self-matrimony as a unique solution to the problem of women sacrificing their own needs in a relationship. Marry yourself first, they say, before marrying anyone else.”

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How is sologamy seen in popular culture?

Self-marriages have featured on popular TV shows like Sex and the City, Glee and Doctor Who. In a 2003 episode of Sex and the City, Carrie Bradshaw was shown wedding herself, with a USA Today report later saying that to some this fictional character is the “godmother of sologamy”.

Explained: What is sologamy or ‘self-marriage’? (2024)

FAQs

Explained: What is sologamy or ‘self-marriage’? ›

Sologamy or autogamy is marriage by a person to themself. Supporters of the practice argue that it affirms one's own value and leads to a happier life. Critics argue that the practice is not legally binding unlike traditional marriage as well as rooted in narcissism and self-aggrandizement.

Can you legally marry yourself sologamy? ›

Can you legally marry yourself? Self-marriages are not legally recognized anywhere in the world, so don't expect any additional legal rights if you opt to say “I do” to yourself. However, the people who choose sologamy do so as a symbol of commitment to themselves and their personal growth.

What is the logic behind sologamy? ›

The Purpose of Sologamy

Sologamy is a cathartic declaration of self-compassion and a promise to give to yourself what you often seek from other people. The idea is to hold your own heart and care for it as much as you would someone else's; a lifelong commitment to loving yourself fully.

How do you practice sologamy? ›

Sologamy is the act of marrying oneself. It is not legally recognised but a number of people around the world have had ceremonies which include the traditional elements of a wedding including a ring, wedding dress, celebrant and first kiss. Vows of commitment and self-respect are made.

Is sologamy a mental disorder? ›

The picture is crystal clear that the sologamists are either misanthropists or have feared to make love with other, which is known as borderline personality disorder (BPD) in psychology. They may avoid commitment due to an intense fear of being abandoned or rejected.

Can a man do sologamy? ›

Absolutely. Sologamy isn't about denying yourself sex or romance, that would be the opposite of self-acceptance and self-love. As for marriage to another person, I'd be up for that as long as they don't expect me to divorce myself.

When did sologamy start? ›

It all started with a Dentist, Linda Baker who took the wedding vows with herself in 1993. It was the first-ever case of sologamy in the whole world, and a daring act indeed back in those days.

What is the benefit of sologamy? ›

There are moments when you will miss doing what you want on your own terms and sologamy is something that eliminates all that hassle. You don't have to debate with anyone about changing your name and you don't have to stress about big changes like moving, which often comes with traditional marriages.

What is the difference between monogamy and sologamy? ›

Difference between Monogamy and Sologamy

Number of spouses: In monogamy, there is only one spouse for an individual. Whereas, in sologamy, an individual marries themselves, making it a marriage with no spouses.

What is another name for self-marriage? ›

the practice or state of marriage to one's self.

Are there benefits to marrying yourself? ›

By marrying themselves without the presence of a third-party officiant, couples can experience a sense of privacy and togetherness that may be lacking in traditional weddings. This self-officiating approach simplifies the marriage process, as it eliminates the need for outside involvement or approval.

Can you put yourself first in a marriage? ›

Putting yourself first enhances your relationship.

Putting yourself first isn't selfish. It enables you to be a better partner. Filling your cup should be a priority in your life regardless of your relationship status. But when you are completely filled from within, you have the capacity to give to your partner.

Who was the girl who married herself? ›

Kshama Bindu made headlines a year ago when she decided to get married to herself. Hailing from Gujarat, the woman took 'saat phere' with herself and put sindoor on her forehead to perform India's first sologamy or self-marriage.

Can I marry my cousin in Islam? ›

In Islam, marrying one's cousin is allowed and considered to be permissible. However, there are certain guidelines and conditions that need to be followed in the process of marrying one's cousin. Firstly, it is important to note that Islam permits marriage between first cousins, but it is not obligatory or encouraged.

Can you marry your first cousin in Australia? ›

Some people may be surprised that you can marry your first cousin! In fact, it may shock many people that in Australia there are quite a number of your relatives whom it is legal for you to marry. I expect that some people simply cannot imagine being married to any relative. But the law says it's ok to do so.

Can you marry your cousin in the UK? ›

There is no legal restriction on the marriage of first cousins. You may not marry your: Grandmother or grandfather.

Is Sologamy legally binding? ›

Sologamy is not legally binding in the US and is not recognized by the laws of any country.

Can you marry a fictional character? ›

You can have a fictional marriage with a fictional character. For example, there is a website called "Marry Your Fictional Character Online," which provides a space where you can virtually marry your fictional character and get a marriage certificate.

Can you marry your cousin in Alabama? ›

First-cousin marriage remains completely legal in these 17 states: Alabama, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Florida, Georgia, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Jersey, New York, New Mexico, North Carolina, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Tennessee, Vermont and Virginia.

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