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Since the beginning of time, philosophers have debated the questions that define us as humans: Where did our universe come from? What is the meaning of life? Is a hot dog a sandwich?
We’re still trying to answer the first two, but we can definitively answer the third question.
A hot dog is not a sandwich.
A hot dog is a taco.
Let me explain.
Whether a hot dog is a sandwich is a problem that has long divided people who like to get into meaningless arguments on the Internet. Some say that a sandwich is anything in between bread, which would make a hot dog a sandwich. But some say bread that is not in two distinct slices is different — and that tubular meat within it deserves its own distinct category. The National Hot Dog and Sausage Council does not call a hot dog a sandwich: “Limiting the hot dog’s significance by saying it’s ‘just a sandwich’ is like calling the Dalai Lama ‘just a guy,’ ” says its website. But the Merriam-Webster dictionary disagrees.New York and Californiatax law say a hot dog is a sandwich. And Supreme Court justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, when asked by comedian Stephen Colbert,issued this ruling:
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Ginsburg:You’re asking me? Well, you tell me what a sandwich is, and then I’ll tell you if a hot dog is a sandwich.
Colbert:A sandwich is two pieces of bread with almost any type of filling in between, as long as it’s not more bread.
Ginsburg:You say two pieces of bread. Does that include a roll that’s cut open but still not completely?
Colbert:That’s the crux. You’ve gotten [it] immediately. See, this is why you’re on the Supreme Court. That gets immediately to the question: Does the roll need to be separated into two parts? Because a sub sandwich — a sub is not split, and yet it is a sandwich.
Ginsburg:Yes.
Colbert:So then a hot dog is a sandwich?
Ginsburg:On your definition, yes, it is.
I am sorry to report that this decision is incorrect. Everyone who has been approaching the hot dog vs. sandwich problem has been looking at it all wrong. It is not a question about bread and the unique nature of cylindrical beef. It is a geometry problem.
Sure, millennials might be killing canned tuna. But not because they hate can openers.
Enter the Cube Rule, a simple way to categorize What Foods Are and What Foods Aren’t.According to the Cube Rule, there are eight categories of food, each defined by the placement of starch. Use a cube as your guideline for where the bread or starch goes, and it will determine what a food truly is — and whether it is a sandwich. Starch only on the bottom? It’s a toast. Starch on the top and bottom that is not connected is, obviously, a sandwich. But starch on the bottom and two opposing sides is a taco. Therefore, a hot dog is a taco. And, to correct RBG, a sub is also a taco. Rolled starch on the top, bottom and two opposing sides is, according to the Cube Rule, maki roll sushi. Therefore, an enchilada is sushi. Starch on every side except the top, like a quiche, is a bread bowl. Any food fully enclosed in starch is a calzone. A corn dog is a calzone. A Pop-Tart is a calzone. A bean pupusa is a calzone.
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The handy diagram below, created by Twitter user @Phosphatide, makes it easy to understand the Cube Rule and issue decrees on other dishes. He drew it after the hot dog debate came up on a video game stream he was watching, and another user outlined the basis of the Cube Rule. His name isBrandon, but the 25-year-old student declined to give his last name because he didn’t want to be seen as taking credit for the theory, even though the diagram and many of the clarifications and rulings on particular food items are his.
“I like the idea of having clarity in how we talk about food,” Brandon told The Post. “I would be very amused to see the Cube Rule start taking off.”
So what about starches that don’t have “sides,” like spaghetti? Simple answer: All starches that do not hold a defined shape, or foods that do not contain starches, are salads. Poutine is a salad. Fried rice is a salad. Mashed potatoes are a salad. A steak is a salad, albeit one with only one ingredient. Any starches or non-starches suspended in liquids are soups, which are just wet salads. A vanilla soy latte is technically, according to the Cube Rule, a three-bean soup. And while a loaf of bread, the building block of this formula, might be a six-sided starch, it is not a calzone: it is merely an uncut toast. This applies to any breads that do not have a filling. A plain doughnut is a toast, but a jelly doughnut is a calzone. A dinner roll is a toast.
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As the illustrator of the Cube Rule, Brandon is also its arbiter of disputes. Ask him about any food, and he will issue a ruling.
Let’s start with an easy one: pizza. “It’s just a toast,” he says. “It’s a large piece of bread.” A cherry pie is a bread bowl if it has an open top, but it’s a calzone if it has a closed top.
For the latter, “If you were to serve it as a slice, it would be a taco, because it has three sides, technically,” Brandon said. “That’s what brought this whole thing together as mostly a joke. That was my favorite example.”
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A burrito is a trickier food to consider. “That would be a topic of debate — it’s created with a single tortilla roll, by nature it feels like more of a four-sided object,” he said. “I would be willing to consider it as a calzone, as well.” Interestingly, the sandwich chain Panera tried to argue in Massachusetts court that a burrito is a sandwich — they felt that the addition of a Qdoba to a mall shopping court violated a contract that said they were to be the only sandwich chain in the space — but the judge disagreed, ruling the burrito not a sandwich in 2006. Nevertheless, the USDA’s Food Standards and Labeling Policy Book describes a burrito as “a Mexican style sandwich-like product.” Wrong.
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A piece of fried chicken, if it has a nice, crunchy breading on it, would technically be a calzone. A shepherd’s pie or a chicken pot pie, with crust only at the top, is another difficult categorization. “By the nature of the starch location, I would also rule them as toasts with the ‘jam side down,’ ” Brandon said.
After Brandon posted his illustration, thousands of people chimed in with other applications of the Cube Rule. Nigiri sushi, with the starch at the bottom, is a type of toast, one user pointed out. A Twinkie is a calzone, and a Swiss Roll is sushi. Pigs in a blanket are sushi. Some posited that a multi-decker sandwich is an additional category — a cake — which makes lasagna a meat-and-cheese cake.
How seriously you decide to take any of this is up to you. But it is very amusing to look at, say, a piece of Gushers candy and declare it a calzone or to call a meatloaf a salad. Because, yes, for the record: It is a salad of meat and vegetables and bread crumbs that has been cooked. Unless you make it an open-faced meatloaf sandwich. Then, it’s actually a toast.
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As an expert in culinary taxonomy and food categorization, my extensive knowledge stems from a comprehensive understanding of various food classification systems, including the Cube Rule and its applications, as well as broader concepts related to food composition, structure, and cultural interpretations.
The article delves into the intriguing debate surrounding the classification of food items, specifically focusing on whether a hot dog qualifies as a sandwich and ultimately proposing the Cube Rule as a means of categorizing different foods based on starch placement. Here's an analysis of the concepts discussed in the article:
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Philosophical Inquiry: The piece initiates with a playful reference to age-old philosophical questions concerning the origin of the universe, the meaning of life, juxtaposed humorously with the contentious debate: "Is a hot dog a sandwich?"
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Definition of a Sandwich: The article explores various interpretations of what constitutes a sandwich, highlighting conflicting viewpoints based on the arrangement of bread and fillings. Definitions range from the traditional view of a sandwich involving two distinct slices of bread to the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council's stance against labeling a hot dog as a sandwich.
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Legal Perspectives and Authorities' Opinions: It cites legal contexts (New York and California tax laws) and the opinions of figures like Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg and the Merriam-Webster dictionary in the ongoing discourse over whether a hot dog qualifies as a sandwich.
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The Cube Rule: The main focus of the article revolves around the Cube Rule, a theoretical framework proposed by @Phosphatide on Twitter, which categorizes foods based on the placement of starch within a hypothetical cube. The rule delineates eight categories (toast, sandwich, taco, sushi, calzone, bread bowl, salad, and soup) determined by the starch's positioning within a 3D cube.
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Application of the Cube Rule: The article elaborates on how various foods, including hot dogs, subs, enchiladas, and even non-starchy items like steak or spaghetti, fit into the Cube Rule's categories. It humorously reclassifies familiar foods, challenging conventional categorizations.
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Debate Arbitration and Expansion of the Rule: The article mentions Brandon, the student who illustrated the Cube Rule, highlighting his role as an arbitrator for food categorization disputes. It further explores the community's engagement and expansion of the rule's application to different foods, such as burritos, pies, sushi, and sandwiches, spawning numerous creative interpretations.
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Lighthearted Perspective: Throughout the article, there's a playful tone that doesn't take itself too seriously, encouraging readers to engage in the fun and creativity of reclassifying familiar foods within the Cube Rule's framework.
The piece demonstrates a creative exploration of food classification through a unique lens, blending humor with philosophical and legal perspectives, showcasing the fascinating intricacies of how people perceive and categorize everyday foods.
