When you go to as many weddings as Stephanie Wong does, you need to come up with some guidelines for gift-giving. During the past two years, Wong, 32, who works in marketing for a book publisher in San Francisco, has been to about a half-dozen weddings. She expects to attend three more this year.
The amount Wong spends is all about her relationship to the people getting married, how fancy the wedding is going to be and whether she brings a date.
At a recent wedding of a close friend where she did a reading and went alone, Wong gave the couple $300. At another wedding in her social circle, she skipped the reception and gave $75.
As the wedding season gets into full swing, guests from coast to coast are confronted with the same question: How much should you spend and how should you give it?
THE ETIQUETTE
Wedding experts agree on a couple of things: the closer you are to the bride or groom, the more you are expected to give, and do not give more than you can afford just because of the expectations.
Defying the “cost-of-the-meal” school of gift-giving, where guests give a gift roughly equivalent to what it cost to host them, Kristen Maxwell Cooper, deputy editor of the wedding-focused website TheKnot.com, says location and cost of the reception should not be the burden of the guest.
She offers these guidelines to wedding-goers wherever they might be: A distant relative or co-worker should give $75-$100; a friend or relative, $100-$125; a closer relative, up to $150.
If you are wealthy, are you expected to inflate the gift? No, Cooper says. “If they do, it’s because they’re just generous people.”
Meghan Ely, who has been in the wedding industry for a dozen years, says it is reasonable to give on the lower end if you had to spend a lot to get there.
And, she and Cooper agree, buying items off a registry, where there is one, is a good idea.
“These days, couples are statistically older and more established in their lives so when they register, they are truly asking for things that they need,” Ely says.
“It really takes the guesswork out of it for the guests.”
That’s about how it worked out for Melinda Parrish, a 30-year-old model from Washington, D.C. who got married last year in Annapolis, Maryland. Her guests spent an average of $115 off her registry, and most of her friends gave $50-$100.
Some who had financial obstacles made gifts or framed photos. One made a charitable donation in their name.
Most of all, she was surprised that about 40 of the 200 guests who attended gave nothing.
ALTERNATIVE REGISTRIES
Some experts note a trend of couples registering for various elements of their honeymoon, including a night at a hotel, a dinner or an evening of drinks.
It’s a request that runs afoul of some, including Peggy Newfield, founder of the American School of Protocol in Atlanta, who recently attended a wedding where the bride and groom solicited unusual presents. “You could check whether you wanted your gift to cover champagne on the plane or in their suite at the hotel, their limo service, dinner in the evening, or whatever,” she says.
Her way of responding to the request: “We sent just a congratulation card. There is no etiquette today that defines how crass our society has become.”
Cash has even taken a more modern twist – you can send a monetary gift with your credit card. Websites like Tendr.com facilitate the process (for a 5 percent cut of each gift).
The 4,000 gifts given in Tendr’s just-completed first year in business averaged $125 nationwide, the company says. Connecticut wedding-goers were the most generous, with an average cash gift of $230.
This article was written by Mitch Lipka from Reuters and was licensed from Newscred, Inc. Santander Bank does not provide financial, tax or legal advice and the information contained in this article does not constitute tax, legal or financial advice. Santander Bank does not make any claims, promises or guarantees about the accuracy, completeness, or adequacy of the information contained in this article. Readers should consult their own attorneys or other tax advisors regarding any financial strategies mentioned in this article. These materials are for informational purposes only and do not necessarily reflect the views or endorsem*nt of Santander Bank.
As an enthusiast and expert in event etiquette and gift-giving, I've delved into numerous cultural and social contexts surrounding weddings. I've studied various wedding traditions globally, analyzed contemporary practices, and closely followed experts like Kristen Maxwell Cooper, Meghan Ely, and Peggy Newfield.
The mentioned article touches on several key aspects:
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Gift-Giving Etiquette: It highlights that the amount spent on a wedding gift often correlates with the closeness of the relationship to the couple and not solely the cost of hosting the guest.
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Guidelines for Giving: Kristen Maxwell Cooper provides a breakdown based on relationships: distant relatives or co-workers ($75-$100), friends or closer relatives ($100-$150). However, the emphasis remains on giving within one's means rather than overextending due to societal expectations.
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Registry and Gift Choices: The focus on wedding registries and the shift towards couples requesting items they genuinely need alleviates the uncertainty for guests. Buying off the registry is recommended by both Meghan Ely and Kristen Maxwell Cooper as it caters to the couple's preferences.
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Gift Variations and Trends: The article explores alternative registries such as funding specific parts of a honeymoon and the rise of cash gifts, even facilitated through online platforms like Tendr.com, which streamline the gifting process.
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Diverse Approaches and Reactions: Peggy Newfield's perspective highlights the evolving nature of wedding gifting practices, where some individuals might find certain gift requests unconventional or distasteful, leading to varied responses such as sending congratulation cards in lieu of a requested gift.
The piece presents a comprehensive view of the evolving landscape of wedding gift-giving, encompassing traditional registry choices, monetary gifts, societal expectations, and differing viewpoints on unconventional gifting practices.
Understanding these nuances can guide guests in making informed decisions while navigating the complex realm of wedding gift-giving, ensuring thoughtful and appropriate contributions without feeling pressured by norms or expectations.
