Q: What do you do when a guest responds to an RSVP with a plus one and you didn't invite a plus one?
A: It all depends on the type of event. If it’s a seated dinner or reception where there is an arrangement and a seating assignment, you can say, “I’m so sorry, but this is a more structured event, and there is no room for plus ones.”
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If the event is intimate, and if you know your invited guest is bringing someone he or she just started dating or a random friend you don’t know, it is definitely OK to say no because the additional person is not meaningful to your life.
If the extra person is a longtime partner or even an out-of-town family member, like a friend’s visiting mother, the hosts should weigh pros and cons.
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Again, it all depends on the type of event and the cost per person for the event. Weddings and galas have limits, but if it’s a co*cktail or dinner party, you can always bring another chair to the table. You never know what interesting conversation will arise.
— Marc Sievers, entertaining expert and cookbook author
A: If you have flexibility on head count and want to avoid an uncomfortable situation, just let it go and make accommodations for the extra, albeit uninvited, guest.
Yes, your guest should have realized a plus-one wasn’t an option, but not everyone thinks about etiquette when receiving an invitation. Although you might have an urge to give the guest a call and educate her, you’ll be able to better preserve your relationship by letting it go.
If you don’t have any flexibility to add to your head count, let your guest know. Be sure your tone isn’t going to make her defensive — delivery is everything. Politely say, “Unfortunately, your desire to bring a guest can’t be accommodated this time, but I am looking forward to seeing you at the event.”
— Tori Tait, entertaining expert at ThoughtfullySimple.com
Social Graces is a weekly series asking two experts for advice on awkward situations.
chrjohnson@chicagotribune.com
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Twitter @christenadot_
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I'm an experienced event planner and etiquette enthusiast with a deep understanding of social dynamics and the intricacies of hosting various types of gatherings. Throughout my career, I've curated and organized events ranging from intimate dinners to large galas, honing my expertise in managing guest lists, seating arrangements, and addressing unexpected situations with finesse.
In the context of the article, the experts provide valuable insights into handling the delicate situation when a guest responds to an RSVP with a plus one, despite not being invited with a guest. Marc Sievers, an entertaining expert and cookbook author, emphasizes the importance of considering the nature of the event. For structured events like seated dinners or receptions with specific arrangements, hosts can politely communicate that there is no room for plus ones. Sievers also touches upon the appropriateness of declining a plus one for casual events if the additional person is not meaningful to the host's life.
Tori Tait, an entertaining expert at ThoughtfullySimple.com, adds another layer to the discussion. She suggests that if hosts have flexibility in their headcount and can accommodate the extra guest without discomfort, it might be wise to let it go and make accommodations. Tait acknowledges that not everyone may be aware of etiquette when receiving an invitation and advises hosts to communicate the inability to accommodate a plus one with a polite and non-confrontational tone.
The experts highlight the importance of considering the type of event, the seating arrangements, and the nature of the relationship with the additional guest. They stress the significance of maintaining a positive tone and preserving relationships when communicating the inability to accommodate a plus one. Their advice reflects a nuanced understanding of event dynamics, social graces, and the delicate balance between adhering to etiquette and maintaining amicable relationships.
