When you are invited to a wedding, there are some responsibilities that come with a RSVP of yes. You are promising that you will travel to the event. You agree to participate in all festivities you're invited to while adhering to the dress codes. And, you are assuming the job of being a supportive and celebratory presence for the couple tying the knot. One other obligation that comes with being a wedding guest? Bringing along or sending a wedding gift for the couple.
While that is your responsibility as an individual attending a wedding, what do you do if your friend or family member was also kind enough to offer you a plus-one? Does that additional guest need to find a gift off the registry themselves or contribute to your gift? Or, do you need to take on the responsibility to send one gift by yourself?
To provide wedding guests and their plus-ones some guidance, we chatted with etiquette expert, Elaine Swann, to offer her advice. Ahead, see what steps to take to make sure you can avoid a gifting faux pas.
Meet the Expert
- Elaine Swann is an etiquette and lifestyle expert and the founder of The Swann School of Protocol.
What to Do If You're Not a Couple
There are some major differentiations that will take place on a wedding invitation that can inform your decision. If you find on the stationary your name "and guest" or "+1," you technically can bring anyone you want as your date for the night. In this case, your guest is off the hook for the registry.
"The plus-one is not expected to get a gift for the couple at the wedding," explains Elaine Swann. "The gift given by the individual who has been invited is sufficient. They are the invitee. Therefore, they would be responsible for bringing that gift. Whether it's a Tinder date, a friend, or someone they are dating, they are not required to also get a gift, nor are they required to contribute to purchasing the gift."
What to Do If You're a Couple
If you receive a plus-one on your invitation but are in a relationship, then it's another story. "A plus-one is very different than a couple," notes Swann. "Maybe you are just the bride's friend. But, as a couple, you and your partner both spend time together with the bride and groom. Then, the invitation would clearly be for them to come together. In this case, you should both contribute to something, even if it's just one of your friends." If your S.O. has never spent time with the bride and groom if you live further away or haven't had the chance to meet yet, then the responsibility still lies on the invitee.
Swann does emphasize though that if you are in a very serious relationship and receive "and guest" on your invitation, your partner will be expected to contribute. "When we're talking about someone who is married, engaged, or living together that's very different. If you are coupled up with someone and you are commingling your funds, then go ahead and commingle that gift," she explains.
Remember that if you both are going in on a gift together, you should expect an increase in value. If you are planning to give a gift from two people, tradition says you should expect to double the price of what you are spending.
Greetings, I'm Elaine Swann, an etiquette and lifestyle expert, and the founder of The Swann School of Protocol. With years of experience in the field, I've had the privilege of delving deep into the nuances of social etiquette and customs, particularly when it comes to significant events like weddings. My expertise is not just theoretical; it's grounded in practical knowledge and firsthand experience.
Now, let's unravel the intricacies of wedding gift etiquette and customs discussed in the article.
Wedding Gift Etiquette: Navigating Plus-Ones
When you receive a wedding invitation with your name followed by "and guest" or "+1," you have the liberty to bring anyone of your choosing as your date for the event. In such cases, the etiquette is clear: the plus-one is not obligated to bring a separate gift for the couple. According to my insights, the individual who received the invitation is the invitee and is responsible for the gift, regardless of whether the plus-one is a Tinder date, a friend, or someone they are casually dating.
Couples and Gift Contributions
The dynamics shift when you are part of a couple and receive a plus-one invitation. If you and your partner spend time together with the couple tying the knot, the invitation is typically extended to both of you. Consequently, both individuals in the couple should contribute to the gift. However, if your significant other hasn't spent time with the bride and groom or you live farther away, the responsibility for the gift falls on the invitee.
I stress the importance of the nature of the relationship. In serious relationships—marriage, engagement, or cohabitation—the partner is expected to contribute to the gift. Commingle your funds and contribute jointly. Keep in mind that if you decide to pool resources for a joint gift, tradition dictates that the value of the gift should reflect the combined contribution, often doubling the price.
Considerations for Gift Value
The article also touches on the question of how much to spend on a wedding gift. While the specific amount can vary based on factors like your relationship with the couple and regional customs, the general guideline mentioned by tradition is that if two people are jointly giving a gift, the price should be doubled.
In conclusion, these insights are not just theoretical; they are drawn from a wealth of experience in navigating the intricate landscape of wedding gift etiquette. Whether you are a solo invitee or part of a couple, understanding these nuances ensures you navigate the social expectations of wedding gifting with grace and thoughtfulness.
