Do You Still Call People Sir or Ma’am? Stop it! (2024)

You’ve probably been taught to call elders and those in authority by either sir or ma’am (madam is the formal version, but ma’am is more common).

Unfortunately, it can be insulting to many people and so I want to challenge you change how you address people.

It’s worked for hundreds of years, so why change now?

It’s true that we’ve been using formal titles for years, but these days, many English speaking cultures are becoming less formal.

Whether you agree with this shift in formality isn’t important and it’s something you can’t control. Your job isn’t to be the “language police,” but rather to understand how to use words to communicate as effectively as possible.

Why are you insulting me?

In short, calling someone sir or ma’am makes them feel old.

These days, people are living longer, as I mentioned earlier, society is becoming less formal. If you call someone in their 50’s Sir or Ma’am, you may be insulting them.

Most people in their 60’s and 70’s will still understand the reference to respect and appreciate it, but in general terms, the younger a person is, the higher the chance that they’ll take offence to being called by a formal term of address.

What about the army or different geographic locations

Different strokes for different folks. Your goal is to find out what works wherever you are.Just be mindful of how the person you’re speaking too will interpret the message your sending.

Alternative #1 – Omit it

It’s that easy. When talking directly to someone, just leave it off.

Intead of, “Yes ma’am,” just say, “Yes.”

If a lady drops her purse, try catching her eye and saying, “Excuse me! You dropped your purse.”

It sounds a little funny when you’re used to hearing sir and ma’am, but it works, and doesn’t feel insulting.

Alternative #2 - Use their name (if you know it)

People love the sound of their own name. Dale Carnegie talked about this years ago, and it still holds true today.

In summary

Society these days is decidedly less formal than it was even 10 or 20 years ago, likely in part to the widespread use of the internet and texting. Whether that’s a good thing or bad thing is a discussion for another day, but it is occurring.

It’s not your job to police the English language, but rather to go with the flow and use your knowledge of it to communicate as effectively as possible with others.

Whenever you communicate. Think about how theother personwill interpret what they hear before you worry about what you’ll say.

Do You Still Call People Sir or Ma’am? Stop it! (2024)

FAQs

Should I stop saying sir or ma am? ›

You could try skipping address terms like sir and ma'am altogether and showing your politeness with your tone and other words. Or you might say something like “Excuse me, friend.” Or “Excuse me, kind person.” Or something else you feel comfortable with.

Is it disrespectful to call someone sir? ›

“Sir,” typically used as a respectful form of address for men, is another word that doesn't always go over well. In fact, men mention some familiar reasons for being alarmed by the term. “For me, it's way too formal and I feel like it makes me feel old when someone says that to me.

Is Ma Am outdated? ›

It comes with tremendous risk of misgendering trans, nonbinary, and gender-nonconforming people. It often offends people who feel young but associate the word with age. According to psychology professor Sheri Levy, “ma'am” is not intrinsically age-based, but it is generally used with older women and can be offensive.

Is using sir or Ma respectful? ›

Sir, is used for adult men. Ma'am for married women or women of an age where you assume they're married. Miss is for unmarried women. Boys don't get any respectful titles unless they are titled aristocrats.

Do people still say ma am and sir? ›

If you call someone in their 50's Sir or Ma'am, you may be insulting them. Most people in their 60's and 70's will still understand the reference to respect and appreciate it, but in general terms, the younger a person is, the higher the chance that they'll take offence to being called by a formal term of address.

Why do Americans say yes sir? ›

First of all, this is regional. In certain parts of the country, especially the South, "sir," "miss," and "ma'am" are not only appreciated, but in some cases expected. Typically speaking, Americans do not observe the same "social distance" as that observed in most of the world.

Why do Americans not say sir? ›

In the rest of the country, this is largely not acceptable for a couple reasons: Age sensitivity: some people feel being called sir/ma'am is implying they're old. Typically, older (over 65) Americans are more comfortable being called sir/ma'am than younger Americans.

Why don't people like being called sir? ›

A term such as "sir" is typically reserved for addressing someone of higher status. So, while a waiter in a restaurant, a doorman, or a sales clerk would be right to address patrons in such a way, it would seem out of place to address a peer as such.

Is sir condescending? ›

Everything depends on context and the way 'Sir' is said. It could be highly respectful if you have done a brave or generous act. It could mean the person knows that what they have just said is very critical of you. It might be that someone is rebuking you for being too arrogant and is showing ironic respect.

Why do Americans say sir and ma am? ›

It is considered polite to address strangers and/or authority figures in this way. It probably has something to do with the fact that the south historically had a lot greater social stratification than the north. Where you're from, is it rude to call people "sir" or "ma'am"?

Why do Southerners say ma am? ›

Originally Answered: Why are southern people taught to say yes sir no ma'am etc.? These are formal phrases, intended to be used by the youth as expressions of respect for their elders. For centuries, it was just considered polite.

Is Ma Am the same as sir? ›

Additionally, since the late modern period, Sir has been used as a respectful way to address a man of superior social status or military rank. Equivalent terms of address for women are Madam (shortened to Ma'am), in addition to social honorifics such as Mrs, Ms or Miss.

Who should we call sir? ›

Anyone who is a senior in education and official rank would be called 'Sir' in the first place. Again, anyone who inspires and is exceptionally well in his/her area of expertise can also be called 'Sir'. Don't be afraid to call someone sir as it will ease your work and give room for further closer communication.

Should kids say sir and ma am? ›

Should parents teach their kids to address teachers as “sir” or “ma'am”? Yes, ma'am! Using those honorifics can help strengthen relationships between students and teachers. Apparently, saying “ma'am” and “sir” is primarily a Southern thing.

Why do guys like being called sir? ›

Most guys any age would find being called 'sir' a turn on… same as girls would probably like being called 'mademoiselle' or 'senorita'. It's a flirtatious play on words. I also find saying Mister/ Miss then their surname is a good way to make them feel special. It hurts my husband to be called that, I think.

How do you avoid calling sir? ›

"Please, just call me [Your Name], 'Sir' feels a bit too formal for me." "I appreciate the respect, but I'd prefer if you called me [Your Name]." "I'm more comfortable on a first-name basis, so let's stick with [Your Name], okay?" "You can drop the 'Sir'; [Your Name] is fine."

Should children say ma am and sir? ›

Should parents teach their kids to address teachers as “sir” or “ma'am”? Yes, ma'am! Using those honorifics can help strengthen relationships between students and teachers.

Why do people in the South say ma am? ›

Originally Answered: Why are southern people taught to say yes sir no ma'am etc.? These are formal phrases, intended to be used by the youth as expressions of respect for their elders. For centuries, it was just considered polite.

Is Yes Ma Am flirting? ›

It's used when talking to women to display respect especially an older woman but not necessarily older. But on the flip side it's also used when a man displays contempt or humor when a woman comes across as bossy ..

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