QUESTION: At a recent dinner party, the hostess got up to remove the plates from the table and started scraping the food onto one plate in order to stack the plates. That didn't seem right to me at the time, but I didn't get up to help her either. Is there a correct way to clear the table?
CALLIE'S ANSWER: Depending on how formal your dinner party is, that is not what to do at a formal setting. Remove how many you can carry without scraping food in front of your guests.
LILLIE-BETH'S ANSWER: I don't think scraping plates at the table sounds like the most appetizing way to finish a meal at a dinner party, even if it might be efficient. Next time, offer to help and start clearing the dishes — all the way to the kitchen. Then finish scraping in the kitchen. Perhaps your offer will snap the person out of what he or she is doing at the table and the disruption and direct the plate-scraping to the other room.
HELEN'S ANSWER: Remove the plates from the table with everything intact. Take one plate per hand and remove from the right side of the guest. If you start stacking and scraping dishes, it makes a lot of noise, and interrupts the conversation at the table. Guests could offer to help, but take guidelines from your hostess, and if she says no thank you, sit back down.
During the holidays, there is a lot of food choice so some items might be left on the plate, but don't be tempted to scrape the foods together. Just remove them from the table.
QUEST'S ANSWER: Kate Stanton, assistant vice president, University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center Student Affairs: Stacking and scraping dishes, in front of guests would communicate to me it is time to exit the building and say “good night.”
One option to alleviate guests staring at used dinner place settings is to retreat to another room for sweets, spirits and social time, leaving table attention for a later time.
If dinner items must be cleared, a host can remove two plates at a time with one plate in each hand. Ideally, plates are placed in the kitchen for the cleaning fairy to handle anyway they choose, after guests depart. Remember used glasses and plates ought to be removed from the right side of the guest. Offering to help anyone is never inappropriate or out of style. Offer once to assist and follow the direction of the lady or gent who invited you.
Regardless of observations of stacking or placing, be sure to send your note of gratitude before the dishwasher cycle concludes.
Callie Athey is 20-something, Lillie-Beth Brinkman is in her 40s, and social columnist Helen Ford Wallace is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.
