Young, in Love and Figuring Out How to Talk About Money (Published 2023) (2024)

For a boyfriend’s 30th birthday a few years ago, Mykail James made reservations at the Capital Grille steakhouse in Baltimore, and booked a suite at the Kimpton Hotel Monaco, a four-star hotel. But later, when she tried to charge the valet parking to their room, he pulled out his wallet and tried to pay.

When she covered their drinks at the hotel bar before dinner, he turned to her and said, “You can’t pay for anything else.”

He insisted on paying for his own birthday dinner and pulled out his wallet again when they checked out of the hotel. Ms. James reminded him that it was his birthday.

“It was pretty offensive to him,” Ms. James, 27, said about her spending. “But we had never had that conversation before.” She wishes that she and her boyfriend at the time had discussed their financial values before what should have been a special night turned into something awkward.

As gender roles, technology and the economy shift under their feet, young couples are contending with how to bring up finances in their romantic relationships.

The internet provides plenty of opportunities to avoid deep talks. Investigating a partner’s social media presence can make it easier to learn about his or her money. Ms. James researches a romantic interest before a date, she said.