Woman set to marry herself in Vadodara: Understanding sologamy (2024)

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When Kareena Kapoor cheerfully declared ‘Main apni favourite hoon (I am my favourite person)’ in Jab we Met, little did she know that it could become a leading mantra for 24-year-old Vadodara-based Kshama Bindu, who is all set to marry herself.

The young, private firm employee is all set to tie the knot with herself, in what is called sologamy, on 11 June.

The solo wedding, a first for India, will feature everything — from the ‘pheras’ and wedding vows to a Goa honeymoon, but won’t have a groom or ‘baraat’.

The Vadodara-based woman told Times of India of her decision: “I never wanted to get married. But I did want to become a bride. So I decided to marry myself.”

She added that she had done her research and with her parents’ support decided to go ahead with her marriage. When asked if her decision was incredulous, she was quoted as saying: “Self-marriage is a commitment to be there for yourself and unconditional love for oneself. It’s also an act of self-acceptance. People marry someone they love. I love myself and hence, this wedding.”

The news of her self-marriage, obviously, evoked reactions on social media, with some mocking her, while others lauding her for self-acceptance.

#Sologamy

This means one #marrying oneself.

A 24 year old girl from Vadodara will marry herself on 11th June & then will go to #Honeymoon with herself to #Goa.

बस यह देखना बाकि रह गया था !

Only wondering how does one #divorce in such cases ? 😁

— Debasish Sinha (@debasish_sinha) June 2, 2022

Another user posed a questions about the legality of such a marriage.

If she marries someone else in future, will she have to divorce herself? If she doesn't do that, can she be booked for polygamy? https://t.co/wWF0Cl1TPp

— Rahul Roushan (@rahulroushan) June 2, 2022

As Twitter debates Bindu’s decision, let’s take a closer look at what exactly entails sologamy and other different types of romantic relationships that exist.

Going solo

Sologomay, or self-marriage, is a symbolic ceremony where you commit to maintaining a meaningful, deep, and loving relationship with yourself.

It’s the belief that people have of not needing another person to find happiness. Many call it a wonderful way of celebrating self-love, while critics call it attention-seeking and daft.

It isn’t a binding, legal affair — you’re free to marry someone else in the future without officially divorcing yourself.

The practice has existed ever since at least 1993 when an American woman named Linda Barker married herself. Her one-person wedding had seven bridesmaids, 75 guests, and no groom – as Barker said at the time, “it’s about doing things for yourself and not waiting around for someone else to make it happen”.

Since then, a number of other women (and it is almost exclusively women) have staged their own weddings.

For instance, in 2017, Adriana Lima, the Victoria’s Secret Angel, posted a note on her Instagram alongside a photo of her wearing diamond ring on her wedding finger. “What’s up with the ring? It’s symbolic, I am committed to myself and my own happiness, I am married with me,” the caption read.

In fact, in 2020 with the world being under lockdown owing to the COVID-19 pandemic, many women opted for sologamy.

Amen Jafri, the director and producer of a self-marriage documentary called So I Married Myself, said the pandemic had definitely increased interest.

She told Insider.com that in the past self-love was seen as either a self-indulgent concept or a superficial act, like taking a bubble bath. But the pandemic had forced a lot of inward reflection and the realisation that, ultimately, we are our own best companions — and that healthy relationships require us to be comfortable with ourselves first.

Monogamy

If people call sologamy a new trend, then monogamy has been around for decades.

Monogamy can be defined as a relationship with only one partner at a time. While it is taught that humans tend toward monogamy, it was not always the norm among our ancestors.

Dr Jenni Skyler, PhD, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and director of The Intimacy Institute was quoted as telling Women’s Health Magazine that we, humans, have been taught that monogamy is the right way to have a relationship.

Most governments across the world deem monogamous relationships to be legal and monogamous marriages are considered the norm around the world.

Bigamy

Bigamy is defined as when one spouse enters into a marriage when they are still legally married to someone else.

In the United States, bigamy was made illegal in 1878 and any form of plural spouses, or wives were considered illegal no matter what religion practices the activity.

Under the marriage laws in India, bigamy is said to be an offence if the first husband or wife is still alive. In a case, where the husband or the wife is alive then, the second marriage contracted by a person is not legal and does not hold any validity in the eyes of law, i.e, it is termed to be a void marriage.

The punishment for bigamy is imprisonment, of maximum seven years or fine or in some cases, both. In case the person charged of bigamy has performed the second marriage by concealing the fact of first marriage, then he/she shall be punished with imprisonment of up to 10 years or fine or both.

While most countries have banned bigamy, there are a few who allow it, albeit with conditions. Iran allows for bigamy for men, only if the first wife allows it. The Philippines too allows for bigamy for Muslim men. Others face six to 12 years’ imprisonment and legal dissolution of marriage.

Sudan and Saudi Arabia allow men to enter into bigamous marriages.

Polygamy

While marriage is described as a union of two people, polygamy is the practice of marrying multiple spouses.

There are different types of polygamy: When a woman marries more than one man, it’s called polyandry and when a man is married to more than one wife at the same time, it is called polygyny.

Polygamy is frowned upon in many societies and has been outrightly banned in most countries. Polygamy is illegal in the United States, Europe, China, Australia, and many other countries.

However, the practice is legal and widespread in a region known as the “polygamy belt” in West Africa and Central Africa, with the countries like Burkina Faso, Mali, Gambia, Niger and Nigeria estimated to have the highest polygamy prevalence in the world.

According to a 2019 study by the Washington-based Pew Research Center covering 130 countries and territories, only two per cent of the world’s population live in polygamous families, and in most countries, the proportion is under 0.5 per cent.

The United Nations Human Rights Committee has said that “polygamy violates the dignity of women”.

In India, polygamy became illegal in India in 1956, uniformly for all of its citizens except for Muslims, who are permitted to have four wives.

With inputs from agencies

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