Why Do I Cry When Someone Yells At Me? (Plus, How to Stop It) (2024)

Co-authored byLena Dicken, Psy.Dand Bailey Cho

Last Updated: February 22, 2024Fact Checked

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   You might be feeling angry, fearful, stressed, or upset. It’s perfectly normal (and natural) to cry when someone yells at you, especially since you’re being triggered by a harsh environment. Whether you feel attacked, embarrassed, or overwhelmed in response, being yelled at increases your stress hormones, leaving you more vulnerable and susceptible to tears.^[1]

   • If someone yells at you at work, for example, you might cry because you feel like you’ve disappointed them, or because they’re blaming you and you believe it’s unfair.
   • On the bright side, crying is great for your health! When you cry, your body releases oxytocin and endorphins—feel-good chemicals known to lower your heart rate and ease emotional and physical pain.^[2]
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   You may be a highly sensitive person. Highly sensitive people (HSP) tend to cry more easily than others because they get overstimulated quickly and process their emotions on a deeper level.^[3] This can makes it difficult for them to control their emotions in social situations, especially if they feel threatened, angry, or uncomfortable.^[4]

   • High sensitivity isn’t classified as a mental health disorder, but it is a trait that exists in people to varying degrees.
   • Someone can become highly sensitive because of their genetics or childhood environment. If they were frequently yelled at as a child, crying might be a way to help them cope with past trauma as an adult.^[5]

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   Your hormones can impact your tendency to cry. Studies suggest that women are more likely to cry than men because they have higher levels of prolactin (the hormone associated with milk production).^[6] However, hormonal issues in men and women can cause anxiety and depression. If you’re experiencing the following health conditions or life stages, your hormones might be making you more emotional than the average person:^[7]

   • Diabetes
   • Hyperthyroidism
   • Hypertension
   • Cushing’s syndrome
   • Acne
   • Obesity
   • PCOS
   • Infertility
   • Irregular periods
   • Menopause
   • Puberty

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   Pinch the skin between your forefinger and thumb. When someone is yelling at you, the best strategy to gain control of your emotions is to distract yourself. Give the web of your hand a good, hard pinch so you have something else to focus on. Just make sure you don’t squeeze too hard and bruise yourself.^[8]

   • Alternatively, pinch the bridge of your nose to help block tears from escaping, or use a stress ball (if you have one on hand).
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   Think of something random, positive, or funny. If you feel like you’re on the brink of tears, mentally take yourself to a happy place. Recall a cherished memory, what you want to eat for dinner, or your plans for the weekend. Letting your mind wander can help you disassociate from reality (and avoid an emotional breakdown).^[9]

   • If you can’t think of something specific from your personal life, distract yourself by counting sheep, saying the alphabet backwards, multiplying 2 digit numbers, spelling letters with your mouth closed—whatever takes your mind off of the situation.
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   Concentrate on your breathing. When you feel yourself getting worked up, take some slow, steady breaths to help you regain control over the situation. Breathing deeply relaxes the muscles in your face, calming you down and distracting you from the person who is screaming.^[10]

   • If you tend to get angry easily, do breathing exercises in your spare time to help you manage your emotions. You could imagine your breath moving through your body, focusing on how it travels in and out of your lungs.
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   See Also

   Let it all out: why crying is actually good for your healthPTSD can develop even without memory of the trauma, psychologists reportBenefits of Crying for Mental Health | NorthStar TransitionsPost-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) - Symptoms and causes

   Focus on an activity or task. If possible, divert your attention away from the person who is yelling at you. Concentrate on an object in front of you, such as a desk, clock, or another person, or pull out a notepad and write down what they are saying. Breaking eye contact with the other person can help you regain your composure and keep cool.^[11]

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   Take a step back from the other person. Get some distance from the person who’s shouting at you by adjusting your position: physically step back, move your chair, or slant your body slightly away from them. Taking control of your personal space can make you feel less helpless and reduce your urge to cry.^[12]

   • If you’re sitting down when someone starts to shout at you, stand up so you are level to them. This makes it feel like they’re not speaking down to you and you have some level of authority.
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   Excuse yourself from the situation. If you don’t think you can stop yourself from crying, step away from the situation (if possible). Make up an excuse, such as saying you don’t feel well, or simply tell the other person that you need a minute. Once you go to another room, try to relax by texting a trusted friend, listening to music, or drinking water.^[13]

   • To remove yourself from the conversation, you might say, “I’m getting too worked up to have a productive discussion with you. I need to step away for a moment to process my emotions, but we can keep talking when I return later.”
   • At work, the restroom is usually the safest place to escape to; prevent yourself from crying by splashing cold water on your face or washing your hands.
   • If you go outside, take a quick walk to clear your head, get in a little exercise to release feel-good endorphins, or grab a snack to boost your mood.

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   Let out your emotions in a private place. Head to your car, a restroom, or somewhere else you won’t be bothered. Give yourself all the time you need until you feel calm so you can properly regroup and move forward.^[14]

   • If you try to stop a crying session halfway through, you’re more likely to start up again later.
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   Dab ice or cold water over your eyes to combat swelling. When you cry, blood rushes to your eyes, making them appear red and puffy. Treat puffy eyes by wrapping an ice cube in a clean paper towel, then gently pressing it over your eyes.^[15]

   • If you’re at work or a public place, head to the bathroom and splash your face with cold water, or wet paper towels in cold water and press them under your eyes to preserve your makeup as much as possible.
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   Put in eye drops to get rid of any remaining redness. If you have any type of eye drops on hand, put 1-2 drops in each eye to hide that you’ve been crying. Carefully follow the directions of your specific product so you don’t overuse it, and make sure it’s safe to use with contacts (if you wear them). In 10-15 minutes, your eyes will look clear.^[16]

   • If you’re a frequent crier, do not use redness-relieving eye drops (also known as antihistamine or decongestant eye drops) too often—they can make your eyes drier over time. Stick to 1-2 drops in each eye up to 4 times a day, up to a 72 hour time frame.^[17]
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   Fix your makeup to restore your appearance. If you wear makeup, take a minute to touch it up. Wipe off runny makeup with a clean tissue or damp towel, and use concealer to cover red, blotchy areas. Finish up by reapplying your mascara, blush, or anything else that didn’t make it through your cry.^[18]

   • If you cry often, keep a small emergency makeup stash in your desk or purse so you can touch up anytime.

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   Let people know you cry easily. If you’re prone to tearing up all the time, do some preemptive damage control by telling your boss, coworkers, family, and friends. Emphasize that it’s not a big deal, and express how you would like to be treated when it happens.

   • For example, you could say, “I tend to cry easily, so don’t worry if I get upset – that’s normal for me. I try to keep it under control, but if it happens, I just need a few minutes to calm down.”
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   Confront the person who yelled at you. After you’ve calmed down, ask the other person if they can speak to you in private, then address the issue at hand. Tell them how their yelling made you feel, and listen to what the other person has to say in response. If you did something wrong, be sure to make a genuine apology, and politely ask the other person to talk to you more calmly in the future.^[19]

   • You might say, “I get pretty flustered when people shout at me, so it was hard for me to come up with a good solution to our problem earlier. Next time we run into an issue like this, can we talk about it when we’re both calm?”
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   Reflect on the situation to determine what made you upset. To get to the root cause of the problem, try to identify what triggered your tears. Was it just the other person’s volume and tone? Or, was it the specific words they shouted? Once you determine what made you cry, you can figure out effective coping strategies to manage your emotions.^[20]

   • If you started crying because the other person insulted you, for example, you might practice responding to hurtful words so you can stand up for yourself without crying.
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   Come up with a game plan to handle conflict at work. The next time someone gets angry at you in the workplace, hold back from saying anything that could escalate the situation. Think about what you can do or say to defuse the argument, and visualize yourself staying calm and collected to prevent an emotional outburst.^[21]

   • For example, if your manager tends to yell a lot, you might say, “I’m sorry you’re not happy with this, and I’ll work on finding a solution. In the meantime, though, I find it hard to focus on what you’re saying when you yell. Can we discuss this more calmly later?”
   • If this does not work, and your manager repeatedly yells at you, send an email to HR to address your concerns—no one should be subjected to abuse in the workplace.
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   Find healthy ways to cope with stress. Make small lifestyle changes to help you relieve stress and deal with your emotions more effectively. Reflect on the hobbies and interests that bring you joy, and set aside time to engage in those activities each week. Lowering your stress levels can help you control your crying and remain calm in heated situations.^[22]

   • Some healthy ways to deal with stress include doing yoga, meditating, calling a friend, going for a walk outdoors, or listening to soothing music.
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   Reach out to a therapist for support. If your crying is affecting your relationships or getting in the way of your work or school performance, it’s worth seeing a mental health professional to find out what’s going on. A counselor or therapist can help you discover why you cry so much and find ways to stop.^[23]

   • Find a therapist in your local area, or look for one online through sites like BetterHelp or GoodTherapy.
   • If you don’t feel comfortable speaking to a mental health professional, open up to a trusted family friend or family member to help you cope with your emotions.

   See Also

   Understanding the Impact of Trauma

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