Enjoy your just-got-engaged glow while it lasts—as a newly minted bride-to-be, you still have a guest list to write. Navigating wedding plus-one etiquette for your big day is no easy feat. “To the couples out there experiencing this obstacle in their wedding planning journey, I hope you can take solace in the fact that you’re not alone,” says celebrity wedding planner Matthew David Hopkins. “Millions of couples have gone through—or are going through—this difficult stage in the planning process, and have gotten over this hurdle.” Stressing over who should get a plus-one on your special day? No need to fret—follow these tried-and-true wedding plus-ones rules.
1. Married, Engaged and Cohabitating Guests Traditionally Receive a Plus-One
As a rule of thumb, Amber Harrison, the head of weddings at Shutterfly, says only married, engaged, and “serious” couples (say, they’re living together or have been together for a year or more) receive a plus-one. But this isn’t a hard-and-fast rule. “I advise, and I see more and more, that [couples] take a good look at their list and say ‘If we only have one or two single friends who don’t get a plus-one, will they enjoy themselves? Will they feel uncomfortable? How can we make them have a great time? Even if they’re not necessarily in a long-term relationship, maybe they can bring someone,’ ” suggests Harrison.
2. Everyone in the Bridal Party Should Receive a Plus-One
The rules about cohabitation, dating, and marriage go out the window when it comes to plus-ones for your wedding party. Not only does a happy wedding party make a happy couple, but allowing a bridesmaid to bring her new boyfriend, for example, is a small token of appreciation you can offer in exchange for her efforts and support, suggests Harrison. Think of it as a “thank you” for every occasion your bridal party has had to organize and participate in over the past year!
3. Don’t Worry About Returning Plus-One Favors
Even if you were allowed to bring a date to a friend’s wedding, don’t feel obligated to return the plus-one favor (seriously). “Your wedding is—and can be—different from theirs,” says Hopkins. “They may not be happy with your decision at first, so it may be best to communicate and explain why you made the decision you did.” Most importantly, work extra hard on your seating chart to ensure those attending your wedding stag are seated with someone they know, or at a table filled with personalities who will make them feel comfortable and welcome.
4. Include the Plus-One on the Invitation
How do you notify your guest about whether or not they have to fly solo? It starts on the envelope. Very traditional wedding invitations have an outer and inner envelope. The outer layer addresses the recipient (the guest or couple you know personally) and the inner paper then lists all the names of those who are invited, like children or plus-ones. “That envelope says a lot. If it’s your name alone, they are not offering a plus-one. If it is for you and a guest, it will say so,” Harrison says.
This is not always the case, particularly with more modern invitations. If you’re only including one envelope or sending an online invitation, be sure to address all invitees clearly and up-front. If the couple is in a relationship, list both guests by their full names. If you’re allowing a guest to bring a casual date, write your friend’s name and then “and guest.”
5. Be Mindful When Seating Couples and Single Guests
Draft a seating plan that fosters a comfortable dynamic for solo guests. For singles, there are fewer things more awkward than being sandwiched between an old married couple or a PDA-heavy pair. But creating a “singles-only” table could give off the impression you’re corralling your single pals. Instead, place them between outgoing and friendly couples who they’ll likely get along with. That’s sure to create a more communal feel to the event, and it’ll help them meet people organically.
6. Be Prepared for People to Ask If They Can Bring a Plus-One
Guests who do not receive a wedding plus-one may reach out about bringing a guest. Harrison says it’s okay to reply with something kind, along the lines of: “We would love for you to bring a guest, but this is a very intimate affair.” It might feel rude and hard to say, but just remember: You had that conversation with your partner and family ahead of time. By sticking to your guns, you become one step closer to the wedding that you want—not one that wedding guests have dictated.
