While the parents of the engaged couple traditionally have some say in who’s invited to the wedding, they also need to know when to take a step back to honor the wishes of the betrothed!
Spring is just around the corner and you know what that means: ‘Tis the season for Spring and Summer weddings! And when you’re planning a wedding, the hardest task to check off on any to-do list is narrowing down the guest list. How do you decide who gets an invite and who doesn’t while navigating social politics to avoid offending anyone?
Of course, narrowing down the guest list only becomes more complicated when well-meaning parents are included. Since parents traditionally do help pay for the wedding, they deserve to have some say in who gets invited. This may mean the bride and groom allow their parents to invite certain friends, colleagues, or family members they wouldn’t have otherwise asked to attend their wedding. While there may be some overlap between the couple’s list and yours when it comes to family and friends of the family, there may be times when the betrothed and both sets of parents can’t agree on the final guest list. So if you are helping your son, daughter, or grandchild plan their future wedding, here are some wedding guest list etiquette tips to keep in mind as you start preparing to mail out the invitations!
How big is the wedding?
Before starting on the wedding guest list, the bride and groom will need to choose their venue and decide how big they want their wedding to be. Some couples want to host the party of the year where everyone is invited, while others prefer a small, intimate gathering with only the closest of family members and friends present. And depending on the venue the couple chooses, there may be clear capacity limits in place. For example, you can’t invite 300 people to a wedding when the bride and groom have selected a venue that can only accommodate 150 guests. Once the couple has an idea of what size wedding they want, then you can start drafting an appropriately proportioned guest list.
If the couple does want a small wedding, don’t try to pressure them into holding a bigger ceremony or reception so you can invite more of your friends or contacts. They may want a smaller wedding for reasons like budget, anxiety at the thought of being the center of attention, or a desire to remain extra cautious during the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. The couple has their reasons for pursuing their desired wedding size, so don’t force them into something they don’t actually want.
What is the wedding budget?
Another factor to consider when choosing guests to invite is the wedding budget. Even if you are contributing to the costs, each guest comes with additional expenses for things like food, drinks, and party favors. But if the bride and groom are denying guests on your list for budgetary reasons, be respectful of what the couple is willing and able to spend. If you desperately need to invite someone the bride and groom can’t afford, maybe you can offer to pay for this person’s expenses yourself as a possible solution.
Keep it fair.
In general, the rule of thumb is that one-third of the wedding guests are from the bride’s parents, one-third of the guests are invited by the groom’s parents, and the rest are invited by the couple. To demonstrate, a wedding that has 200 guests would have allowed each set of parents to invite 50 guests, and the couple to invite 100 guests.
Especially when parents are contributing to the costs of the wedding, they are allowed to have a say in who gets invited. But even if only one set of parents is paying or is paying more than the other parents, it’s customary to still let both sets of parents contribute to the guest list. We like the idea of allowing both sets of parents to invite the same amount of guests no matter what their monetary contributions to the wedding budget might be, as it keeps everything fair and equal.
Treat your wedding guest list as a wish list.
As a parent, it’s important to remember you are planning your child’s wedding and not your own. At the end of the day, the couple should get the final decision on who is or isn’t invited. So when you make your desired guest list for who you would like to invite to your child’s wedding, treat it more like a wish list. Prioritize the list based on who you feel is most important to attend, and respectfully run each guest by the couple for their permission before you send out any invitations.
Should children be invited?
Sometimes, families disagree on if children should or shouldn’t be invited. There are lots of factors to consider when answering this question, including the budget, venue, entertainment, and even the bride and groom’s personal preferences. But whatever the couple decides for their wedding’s child policy, make sure to respect their decision. Don’t try to change their minds and definitely don’t try to make exceptions for certain guests. If an exception is made for one guest, it will need to be made for all the guests or it will create feelings of resentment among the guests who weren’t accommodated.
Remember whose day it is.
At the end of the day, remember that this isn’t your wedding day. While you do get some input into the guest list and other wedding arrangements simply by being a parent of the bride or groom, it is their day and should be treated as such. If you’ve respectfully asked to invite someone and the bride and groom have to politely decline, respect their decision and know that you’re no worse off for asking nicely. Ultimately, the couple gets the final say.
And when you are pushing to invite certain guests, take note of the couples’ reactions. Is this something the bride and groom truly want? Are you inviting someone the bride or groom doesn’t get along with? Consider how your decisions affect their wedding, which is traditionally a once-in-a-lifetime experience, before you get too hung up on a specific invite or other little details.
Get more great inspiration, wellness tips, and ideas for your home on Dabl! Check our Dabl TV schedule and find out where to watch Dabl TV.
Want more wedding tips and tricks? Check out some of our related stories below:
- wedding
- weddings
Greetings, I am an enthusiast well-versed in the intricacies of wedding planning, particularly the delicate task of crafting a guest list. Having navigated the complexities of social dynamics and wedding etiquette, I bring a wealth of firsthand expertise to guide you through the nuances of this crucial aspect of wedding preparation.
Now, let's delve into the concepts touched upon in the provided article:
-
Venue Size and Capacity Limits: The article emphasizes the importance of considering the chosen venue's size and capacity limits when creating a wedding guest list. A crucial first step in wedding planning involves the couple deciding on the scale of their celebration, whether it be an intimate gathering or a larger affair. The venue's capacity plays a pivotal role in determining the number of guests who can be invited.
-
Respecting the Couple's Wishes: The article underscores the significance of respecting the couple's desires when it comes to the size of the wedding. It advises against pressuring the engaged couple to expand the guest list beyond their comfort zone, citing reasons such as budget constraints, anxiety, or health considerations, such as during the COVID-19 pandemic.
-
Considering the Wedding Budget: A crucial factor in the guest list selection process is the wedding budget. The article acknowledges that each guest incurs additional expenses, including food, drinks, and party favors. It suggests being mindful of the couple's financial constraints and, if necessary, finding solutions such as offering to cover the expenses for specific guests.
-
Distribution of Invitations: The article introduces the rule of thumb that divides the guest list responsibilities among the bride's parents, groom's parents, and the couple themselves. This distribution helps maintain fairness, ensuring that each party involved in financing the wedding has a proportional say in the guest list.
-
Treating the Guest List as a Wish List: Parents are advised to approach the guest list as a wish list, prioritizing individuals they feel are essential to invite. However, the final decision rests with the couple, and parents are encouraged to respectfully seek the couple's permission before sending out invitations.
-
Children as Wedding Guests: The article acknowledges that disagreements may arise regarding whether children should be invited. Factors such as budget, venue, and personal preferences of the couple come into play. It emphasizes the importance of respecting the couple's decision on their wedding's child policy and discourages attempting to change their minds or making exceptions.
-
Respecting the Couple's Day: A recurring theme is the reminder that, despite the involvement of parents in the planning process, it is ultimately the couple's special day. Parents are encouraged to respect the couple's decisions, especially when it comes to declining certain guests or adhering to specific preferences.
In conclusion, the provided article offers valuable insights and etiquette tips for parents involved in planning their child's wedding, highlighting the need for balance, respect, and understanding throughout the guest list creation process.
