Do you have a friend who always waits until the last second to RSVP to your events? How about someone you have to nag incessantly before finally getting an answer? Maybe you're the one who can't bring yourself to respond, but why? It's a common habit that's hard to kick, and frustrating for the host.
Tina Gilbertson, a psychotherapist and author of Constructive Wallowing, and Jodi R.R. Smith, founder of Mannersmith Etiquette and author of the book series From Clueless to Class Act, guide us through etiquette rules for party invitations, whether you're sending the invite or opening it.
Why Some People Never RSVP on Time (or Ever)
According to Gilbertson, there's more going on behind the scenes here than pure laziness or forgetfulness: Some people just aren't wired to RSVP. While this shouldn't be an excuse, it's an interesting explanation. They may have real trouble making decisions or commitments. They could also be trying to avoid conflict by failing to RSVP because, for them, it's easier to ignore an invite than to actively decline it.
"It's a misguided attempt to protect the person from hearing the word 'no,'" Gilbertson says. While knowing this helps give some context and may help you empathize with them, it's still pretty frustrating to be a host with a few guests who refuse to let you in on their plans.
The Right Way to RSVP "No"
Clearly, the solution is not to ghost the host. Reply whether or not you can attend, but if you have to decline, less is more. Smith advises providing a limited amount of information as to why you can't come. A simple, "I'm so sorry, I can't make it. Very sad to miss, but hope it's a great party/event!" is enough.
RSVPing on time is particularly important for formal parties, like a wedding, where your response doesn't just mean you'll miss the experience. In these cases, your presence or absence affects numerous factors like catering, rentals, and seating, among others.
RSVPing in the Digital Age
In the world of the internet, there's another invitation to take into account: e-vites. With this technology, the host can see if you're sitting on an invitation. As a guest, Smith urges you to respond as soon as you know your plans.
As a host, according to Smith, you shouldn't obsessively check e-vite responses. She recommends hiding the guest list if you think invitees will wait around to see who else is responding to the party.
When Is It OK to Start Following Up?
There's no need to start nagging people before the RSVP deadline is up. Once you've hit the respond-by date, it's OK to reach out with a nice phone call or email saying you're simply checking in to see if they received the invite, you'd love to have them, but completely understand if they can't make it.
If you've spread the word via social media, like with a private Facebook event, it's smart to post something to the group as the date nears with something like, "Looking forward to seeing everyone this weekend! If you haven't already, please let me know if you can make it within the next couple of days, so I know how much wine and cheese to get!" If your get-together is more casual, and your non-RSVPer isn't a VIP, consider letting the ghosted invite go.
I'm an etiquette enthusiast with a deep understanding of social dynamics and event planning. Drawing on my knowledge and experience, I'll provide insights into the concepts discussed in the article about RSVP etiquette for party invitations.
The article delves into the common issue of people not RSVPing on time or at all, exploring the reasons behind this behavior. Tina Gilbertson, a psychotherapist, suggests that some individuals may struggle with decision-making or commitment, using non-response as a way to avoid conflict. This insight highlights the psychological aspect of RSVP procrastination.
The correct way to handle RSVPs, as suggested by Jodi R.R. Smith, involves responding whether you can attend or not. If declining, it's advised to provide limited information, maintaining politeness. This is crucial for formal events like weddings, where timely responses impact logistics such as catering and seating arrangements.
In the digital age, the article introduces the concept of e-vites, emphasizing the importance of prompt responses. As a guest, responding early is encouraged, while hosts are advised not to obsessively check e-vite responses. Smith recommends hiding the guest list to avoid invitees waiting for others to respond.
The article also addresses the appropriate timing for follow-ups. It suggests refraining from nagging before the RSVP deadline and, after the deadline, making a courteous inquiry via phone or email. Social media can be utilized for casual events, reminding guests to respond within a specific timeframe.
Understanding these etiquette rules is crucial for both hosts and guests, ensuring smoother event planning and fostering positive social interactions. If you have any specific questions or need further insights, feel free to ask.
