“Celebrating love, intimacy, and sex in AAPI [Asian American Pacific Islander] spaces!”
- What is “The Dirty Boba”
- The “Dirty” Origin: Why did I start this?
- Past: A Community of Sisters and Brothers
- Present: The “Talk”
- Why the AAPI community?
- Future: Using the Trauma that Binds Us Positively
- Benefits of this Space
- Resources
What is “The Dirty Boba”
- Dirty Boba is a “signature drink created first when the boba are coated and cooked in brown sugar. The drink can be filled with a choice of milk or fresh teas. Finally, the dirty boba is topped with a milk cheese foam and a caramelized creme brulee topping.”
- The Dirty Boba is a facilitated safe and brave space founded for Filipinx/API womxn, Womxn of Color, and allies to open up on topics around relationships, intimacy, and sexual empowerment, positivity, and education through an intersectional lens while partaking in breaking bread through boba.
Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”
I live in the Bay Area where I’m surrounded by a world of change-makers, movers-and-shakers, and disruptors especially because of our burgeoning Tech industry. Often we’re challenged to pursue the idea of entrepreneurship to bring to life the ideas that would change industries and ultimately the world.
When I thought about what I wanted to see more of in the world, I thought to myself, “What’s more disruptive than having a space around relationships, intimacy, and sex…ESPECIALLY in the AAPI (Asian-American Pacific Islander) community?!”
Growing up, I was often told about how fortunate I was because of the resources provided to me in this generation.
The struggle of growing up in a 1st generation immigrant was straightforward: our parents did not talk to us about relationships, intimacy, or sex, much less show it in the ways American society popularizes it in the media (talking things out, consistent “I love you’s”, endearing hugs). Yes, everyone has a different experience being AAPI. Everyone has a different experience being human!
My experience growing up a 1st generation AAPI immigrant woman is that I have been fortunate to have three things: (1) A community of older sisters (Ates [Pronounced: à-tehs]) and brothers (Kuyas [Pronounced: koo-yahs]) in the Filipinx community, (2) growing up in a diverse community, and (3) the gift of gab. The community of ates and kuyas that I had paved a way for me to have the space to learn and share my experiences around relationships, sex, and intimacy. This space was educational and healing. On top of that, I grew up in Vallejo, California, the United States’ most ethnically diverse city in the nation. My extroversion allowed me to learn from different people who were not only diverse from an ethnicity standpoint, but a diversity of thought and experience.
In all I have learned, going back to my AAPI roots and experiences, I learned about the gaps that still exist in my community as an Asian/Filipina-American. I learned from a cultural lens that love in the AAPI community often looks to be most popularly expressed through dutiful actions or providing resources. For the people who I have had the opportunity to learn from, I’ve been able to enrich my understanding and ultimately my life because of the varying avenues to express and receive love.
Se-ex. The way it slips off the tongue from the mouth still leaves burn marks from the fire that this subject produces.
We talk about it too much.
We don’t talk about it enough.
In the AAPI community, the necessity to hold a safe space for relationships, intimacy, and sex didn’t dawn on me until I realized the privilege of being able to traverse into the spaces I have had the privilege of not just being allowed into, but accepted in. In particular, some of these spaces have been in mental health, multicultural, Feminist/Black-feminist, and BDSM/sex-positive. I began to connect the dots talking to an AAPI friend with whom I have mostly had professional interactions with. I realized that the struggle is not connected to an “-ism” (race, sex, class). Instead, this is a human struggle.
Why the AAPI community?
All lives matter, right? Though I’ve mentioned that this struggle is a human struggle, there has to be a place to start.
The AAPI identity has with it, a cultural richness and care that is needed when having conversations about relationships, intimacy, and sex. I still remember watching the Joy Luck Club movie when the character, Waverly, wants to tell her mother that she is dating again. What stood out was throwing her partner’s clothes (and unused condoms) at her mother to share her frustration she felt towards how she subconsciously needed her mother’s approval for her life decisions.
As an AAPI woman, this spoke to me.
I realize that there is no one-size fits all despite living in a world where we carry the label, “human”. This space is an opportunity to grow with the people who attend it. AAPI women/womxn. AAPI men/mxn. People of color. Allies.
Future: Using the Trauma that Binds Us Positively
We as the AAPI community are still breaking from the intergenerational trauma that still negatively and truthfully binds us.
This work is dedicated to the men and women who have taught me love in a healthy way.
Love of family.
Love of friends.
Love of lovers.
Love of myself.
Benefits of this Space
- Empowerment Remember that this space is yours (With respect to one another of course!) and with that, it is for your empowerment to explore this world as a free and educated sexual and loving person.
- Education In this space, everyone is a teacher and a student where we bring in resources around sex, relationships, and intimacy that you may know or not have known for a more fulfilled experience in your sex life and relationships.
- Evolution This is a space for you to not only learn but change. Come to the space with your authenticity as you embark with us on the journey to love with others and the self.
- Asian Leadership Alliance: Check out Our Community Calendar for The Dirty Boba Events
- Upcoming: Every 2nd Thursday from 6:00PM to 7:00PM [Eventbrite] [only 10 seats available!]
- Connect: Call for writers, facilitators, speakers, and thought partners: thedirtyboba@gmail.com
