RSVP and the etiquette of responding to invitations
Why Americans ask you in French to please respond to an invitation (répondez s’il vous plaît)
You may have noticed by now that when there is some kind of event, many Americans request that you send an RSVP, or in other words, a response. RSVP comes from répondez s’il vous plaît (“please respond” in French). Why is French used? This romance language was long considered the language of culture, whereas English has traditionally been the language of economics. Responding to an invitation is part of etiquette, or the rules of conduct, a word that was adopted into the 1700s in the English language (which has borrowed thousands of French words and adapted its own versions and pronunciations).
Nowadays, RSVP can be used as a verb (Please RSVP) or a noun (Please send your RSVP).
Ifsomeone asks you to RSVP (sometimes also written as R.S.V.P.) it means that youshould respond if you plan to attend. This helps a host or organizer plan theevent by knowing how much food to order, etc. If you can no longer attend, itis polite to let the host or event organizer know your change of plans. If youdo not respond, it is assumed that you are not attending.
Forsome events, it has become a trend for the host or organizer to ask for“regrets only.” This means that you are assumed to be able to comeand a reply is not necessary; only if you cannot attend should you notify thehost or organizer. Examples for “regrets only” might be for an annualparty or a wedding shower.
Onthe other hand, proper etiquette for a wedding invitation dictates that youshould absolutely send an RSVP (either acceptance or regrets). Again, this isthe polite thing to do so that your inviters can plan for the number of peopleattending.
Perhaps ironically, the French these days apparently request a response with prière de répondre instead of RSVP.
From the French, it is short for “Répondez, s'il vous plaît,” or, “Please reply.” This little code has been around for a long time and it tells you that your host wants to know if you will attend. Reply promptly, within a day or two of receiving an invitation, and by the RSVP deadline at the latest, if one is given.
While you're only required to respond if you cannot attend, it's still polite to reach out to your host and let them know you're looking forward to the event. A "regrets only" response is typically reserved for more casual celebrations and should not be used for grander occasions, like a wedding.
If someone asks you to RSVP (sometimes also written as R.S.V.P.) it means that you should respond if you plan to attend. This helps a host or organizer plan the event by knowing how much food to order, etc. If you can no longer attend, it is polite to let the host or event organizer know your change of plans.
For highly traditional RSVP cards, (usually for a wedding hosted by the bride or groom's parents), you can use a formal phrase such as “The favour of a response is requested by…”. Otherwise, keep it simple and casual with phrases such as “Kindly reply by” or “Please respond by”.
Most RSVP cards will read “To reply, text “hello” to [123.456.7890 or whatever their replied app number is].” You can actually text any word that you want and the intelligent text message RSVP service will begin replying to you and gathering your information.
Some forget; others procrastinate and then feel guilty, so they delay even longer. To many a host on the non-receiving end of an RSVP, it seems as if an invitee is simply waiting for something “better” to possibly come along.
Part of it is that invitations tend to be issued in less personal more group ways (chat groups, large email lists, Facebook invites, etc) and they are the same way invitations are issued for the kind of events you aren't obligated to respond to (like the monthly tournament of your pinball club or nerd meetup or ...
Give them a personal call and ask if they play to attend. Here are some examples of what to say when handling guests that don't RSVP: “I'm calling to make sure you received the invitation to Samantha's birthday party, I haven't heard from you. I hope you can attend.
How many weeks should you give people to RSVP? Assuming you've sent your invitations out in time (at least six to eight weeks before your wedding), give your guests four or five weeks to RSVP.
When is the best time to send party invitations? The general rule of thumb is to send party invitations 2–8 weeks before the event. Add an “RSVP by” date of 1–4 weeks before the event. This gives guests ample time to check their calendar and RSVP to your get-together.
To give guests ample time to plan and respond, you'll want to send your invitations out at least eight weeks before your big day. RSVP etiquette dictates that it's ideal for guests to reply at least four weeks before your ceremony, allowing you time to confirm the numbers with your caterer and venue.
Introduction: My name is Velia Krajcik, I am a handsome, clean, lucky, gleaming, magnificent, proud, glorious person who loves writing and wants to share my knowledge and understanding with you.
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