Reader Question: What does it mean when a man says 'I can't give you want you want'? (2024)

The A**clown I was with didn’t even have the decency to tell me that he couldn’t be what I wanted. When we would argue, he would just say words and words that never really said anything. I was staying at his house for three months, and during that time, he didn’t have the guts to ask me to leave. I think he just purposely acted like an A** to get me to leave on my own, but every time I tried to leave he would beg me to stay. (I guess he had to “look good.”)

And ladies, here is a MAJOR red flag that I have never seen a guy do until now: When you tell him that you like something (maybe a sexual move he did, or maybe some little favor he did for you…), and he makes sure that he never does it again! I found that REALLY REALLY ODD!

“I’m sorry i cannot give you what you want, but unfortunately, you are what I want!” These were the exact words my ex EUM told me.

I was seeing that man for 2 1/2 years and he knew i wanted a proper relationship with him and he refused to give it to me. Instead, after a year and a half of seeing each other, he chose to offer a relationship to another woman [that subsequently went down the toilet after 7 short months] whilst i stood on the sidelines watching him try to love somebody else. I was hurting and also fuming, asking myself, “why her and not me?”

I blew the whistle on their relationship by calling her up. By the time i made that call, their relationship was pretty much over anyway. When their relationship ended, i briefly resumed our “so called relationship”. I slept with him twice and I was expecting him to offer me a relationship, now that he and her were thru [how stupid is that??? lol]. So when he did not, i argued with him and cut contact.

This time, it’s for real. Usually i would have heard from him by now but i haven’t. Rationally speaking, I know its for the best but emotionally speaking, it still hurts to know he’s moved on and not given me a second thought. I thought i was irreplaceable.

I am still in NO CONTACT. It still hurts to know that i was used for so long, but I will get over it one day.

Natalie, if I did not know better I would swear you have been listening in on my conversations. This article had me all over it….I had to gasp several times especially when you said this:
“Please stop putting me on a pedestal and creating illusions because I am not the man you think I am and I am not the man who you so clearly need me to be and I cannot meet your needs and have no desire to.”’
This post describes my past situation to a tee, I did not realize how much I wanted this guy to be someone he simply could not be. He even warned me early…I mean within a month of us talking he said “I cannot give you what you want right now”. At the time that he said it I was confused, because I did not realize I wanted or was expecting anything from him. Unfortunately, I did not heed the warning, and hee kind of stuck around.
O, how I wish I would have trusted my intuition. Anyway, I am still mourning the death of the person I thought he was. I learned that when a man shows you who he is accept it.

Recovering Zombie

@TJ yes it is the same thing!! run run like hell!! A man who has a decent level of self esteem and confidence won’t say things like “i don’t know what you see in me.” What this guy is really saying is “I know I’m a worthless piece of garbage who has the emotional capacity of a stone, so what the hell are you seeing.” I briefly spoke to a guy about a year ago who after a few conversations asked me what was the most importnat thing a man can give me in a relationship. I told him: His time…b/c I am worthy of his time and attention. He told me that is the one thing he couldn’t give me because blah blah blah yada yada yada. I stopped listening after he said he couldn’t give me what i needed. I lost his number and pretty much wrote him off. He called me up a few days later, fuming b/c he had called me and he thought we had some connection. I was like dude, it’s your dime i you want to call me. I’m not calling you (indeed I never call men at the beginning they have to work, sorry) b/c you cannot give me what I need and what kind of fool wld I be to hang around a guy who has clearly told me that the thing I want most in a relationship he can’t (more like not willing) to give me?

Natalie is spot on (as always :)) when she writes that this is an opportunity to RUN !!!! When men say these things it’s b/c they have no intention of doing right by you or doing any better. It’s a clear warning and if you’re really listening you’ll hear it. For years I chose not to listen, not to see b/c he was want I wanted and I was soooo all powerful that I was going to MAKE IT WORK. WRONG!!!! Now when I hear things like “You’re too good for me”, “I’m not good enough for you”, “what do you see in me”, “i’m not worthy of you,” “I don’t have time to be with b/c (fill in the banks)” “I don’t want /am not ready for a relationship”, ” i don’t do the dating thing”, “courtship, what the hell is that?” I hear them loud and clear and I thank them for my drink and jet!

Thank you NML, for a great article. I’m an older woman and I have had these same thoughts and experiences for many years. In my younger years guys would tell me these very same statements and I wasn’t wise or mature enough to listen. Not that I have had numerous relationship however, at the bad ending I had to accept that the man told me actually who he was from the beginning.

In my last encounter several years ago I reconnected with a high school classmate who I hadn’t seen for many, many years, we immediate hit it off and shared and enjoyed many fun times while being on a commitee together. After the event, we went on one date and on that date he told me everything you covered in this article.

Needless to say, he invited me into his life with open arms. All the (red flags) for me went up immmediately. This time I listened, “DB, you can’t fix him or change him”. A week or so later I thanked him for his honesty and graciously declined his offer. He thanked me for my honesty as well and we remain very good friends to this day. This time I had a happy ending.

Wow, what a great post. The e-mail ‘flags’ come regularly but today’s hit a nerve. I’m wrestling with something for over a year now and I don’t know how to handle it – or even if it’s my place to say something.

A single friend of mine has been seeing a man who is supposedly divorcing. Without going into detail, much of which you can presume, he regularly gives her the ‘I can’t give you what you want/need’ talk. But a few days pass and they’re back on the phone, and often back in the sack.

Over the past year I have witnessed my friend, a bright, competent and articulate woman, give this man every possible ‘out’ and accommodation due to his situation. She has spent a lot of time waiting for him to call or set another rendezvous. Maybe it is because I love my friend so much, and have no emotional tie to the man, but every time she relates to me his “I can’t give you what you want/need” line, all I hear him saying is: I’m just sleeping with you for now. Don’t expect me to be your man/boyfriend after I’m divorced.”

My intuition tells me this is exactly his message, no matter how couched in “tenderness” he thinks it is. My friend keeps hanging on, meanwhile trying to focus on her life and her parenting and the Some Day that will probably not come.

This has been over the past year; I see her hurt a little more each time. Is there a way I can talk to her about this? We are well into our 40’s and I would hate to risk insulting her or betraying her decision-making abilities but, well, she deserves a heck of a lot better in a relationship. Like us all, she deserves someone who is fully available to her and can give her what she wants.

Thanks 🙂

Hi NML,
If a man sat me down and said the above comments you mentioned with no confusion, saying one thing then acting another way, changing his mind the next day and saying im perfect for him its just that i get overwhelemed and a tonne of other things. Then maybe you could just hear what he was saying and make a decision for yourself and with him abou the future.
But unfortunately, my experience was the above which makes it confusing, what does he really want or mean? Because in one breathe he is telling me one thing and the next another thing.

His actions were not matching his words but this time in a diiferent way, from saying im not sure i can give you what you want, to being invited to his family’s house for dinner, flowers, making arranagments for the next month of weekends, always included in future plans, constantly called, emailed, txt messaged andytime we were not together, still saving to move out and having a great time together.

I know that in hindsight dealing with the above behaviour I just explained is a huge warning sign in itself and ive learnt from it, I mean who wants someone that emotionally unstable . BUT it can be hard to try to hear what he is saying when its confused with a tonne of other things, when he is still making plans with you, still discussing moving in, still saying your perfect for him, still saying I love you and what ever else. Mixed messages!!

In the end he did leave me and from the 1st day right untill now which is 9 months later, he is still trying to be my friend, still trying to somehow stay connected. I have done NC and really well and he has not really let go 100%….Go figure???? he left yet he cant let go??? odd.

An even when he finally did end it, he said, i just cant do THIS realtionship, at least not right now…not yet……..

How vague and it was to give me hope so id hang on.

I will learn from your post though, regardless of all the confusing bullsh*t he may be adding, if he says what you mentioned then start moving on or if you are confused….then even that’s a warning sign because lets face it you should not be confused, either someone wants you in their life or they they don’t and if your confused as to whether they do or dont, then I don’t think your being treated right. Or at least getting what you want.

Take care everyone 🙂

Is it just my imagination or was this post hopeless???

A woman was made as a man’s crowning glory, at least to people who believe in God and the book of Genesis (Christians, Jews, Muslims).

What went wrong????

Even if you don’t believe in God right now, ponder ‘why would we yearn for a man only to be so disappointed continually?’

Why not choose to believe that there is more to life?

The ideal is the man and woman complement each other and cover each other’s weaknesses. No-one is perfect. In its traditional form the man is the man when he is the protector and provider. The woman is the nurturer, caring for children and looking after the home.

One thing the last few decades has taught us is gender confusion. Can anyone say that men becoming more feminine or Women becoming more masculine actually works????

Please don’t get me wrong I am all for women in the workplace and management and men to become better communicators – but at the expense of losing what it is to be a man or woman?

Natalie is right that the man will honestly say he does not know if can deliver on what you see in him (his potential). But does that mean we should give up? If you honestly love each other then why not learn to be in a relationship and actually give this man you love a chance to prove he is worthy of you???
.-= Cathy J´s last blog ..Cost of Dating: Part 4 Cost in Time and Energy to Beyond Positive Thinking =-.

“When people show you who they are through their actions or tell you who they are, you need to be listening and watching, not denying or deciding that you know better, or playing Dan Brown looking to break a code.”

ohh, too funny, the Dan Brown line made me laugh. I don’t even know who he is, but I got the jist of it cause I been there.

I swear some EUM’s make a career out of bewildering contradictory behavior, creating drama, confusion and plenty of WTF mysteries to be solved. I am certain some think this behavior makes them very unique and emotionally “complex” individuals.

OK I will admit that I was entertained at times trying to figure him / the mystery/ it all out.

But eventually the confusion felt like some bizarre tease.. like where was the solid person under all the confusion and contradiction.

Finally, I got it…that was him… he was all about confusion, contradiction, smoke and mirrors, being open, building walls.

I stopped seeing him as the stable man he claimed he was, and the stable man I wanted him to be. I took a hard look at the situation and the instability was making me crazy. This sounds a bit cruel to me…like I stopped believing in him. But iI knew I had to get away, for my sanity.

What I realized from NC is that when your fantasy world finally collides with reality your strength is tested to the max.

If you want to stay with reality you better hold on because you are in for a wild ride of self discovery. For me though, honesty and reality are so stabilizing and satisfying in the long run.

Hello, everyone:

I have been reading this site for quite a few months. I found this site because I went in search of answers. You see, the man that I was seeing was acting so strangely that I went on a hunt to try and understand what I was dealing with. I wanted to understand why I was alway off balance and walking on egg shells and generally making excuses for his poor behavior. Luckily for me, I found this site.

As you can guess, the “relationship” ended. I kept asking him again and again to treat me respectfully because I did not feel that he was doing that. I now understand that he was blowing hot and cold.

On the day that we broke up, I asked him, “Are you this neglectful of all women or is it just me”. Apparently that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. He broke up with me and part of what he said was “I can’t give you what you want.” Wished me good luck and cut contact.

This devastated me because I wanted him and I wanted him to put effort into the relationship. I wanted a proper relationship with him.

Yes, there were warning signs but I did not recognize them as warning signs. I was caught unaware, I had never dealt with anyone like him before. I guess you can say that he is my first EUM and I hope to sweet God that he is my last.

Hello girls,

This happened to me about two month ago.
I was going out with this guy for about two month. He never brings up commitment.
However he keeps asking me out.
I felt like I was tested each time I went out with him. Feeling worried if he will ask me out for the next date in the end of the day.
And after he asked me out in the end of the date for the next week, he will go no contact with me. It means no calling, no texting, no contact from his side.
I was always so worried if he might gonna cancell the date. And oneday, that happened.
He cancelled the date. I acted as if it wad no big deal. Then he asked me out again on “text”. (he always asks me out on TEXT” It’s a big red frag that I have ignored.
And I went to the date, I felt someting was up by seeing how he is acting kind of distant on the day. But I still ignored the sign cuz I wanted us to be together.
And toward the end of the date he asked me if I wanted to go somewhere private where we can be alone… (he has never asked that question before, he haven’t even kissed then, simply because he does not make a move)
I said “no” because it was getting late.
And in the end of the date, he did not ask me out. So? I asked him “when can I see him”
Then he told me he will let me know.
But I have never heard from him after that.
And luckly I was smart enough to go no contact on him after the last date.
He ditched me. But I said “No Thank you” for it. Now I am in pain, and I am lonely. But if also feels good to be able to keep my dignity.
Sometimes a man wont tell you. But they act like one. Sometimes it’s up to you to decide.
Cuz, trust me, he will stay in touch with you if he wants you.

These blogs are unbelievable…just when I think the information and advice from NML can’t get any better than it already is…it does! It’s a pity I didn’t find my way to this website years ago…would’ve saved me some AC-wasted time. Better late than never though.

Regarding this particular blog: it’s just too uncanny, the following is an excerpt of what I had written last week about my ex EUM/AC, but hadn’t posted: ‘I saw him as my “night in shining armour” even though he once warned me that he couldn’t give me what I wanted – but I just saw that as a challenge.’ I laughed it off at the time but afterwards paid with tears.

In hindsight I would have saved myself 3 years if I had this advice about what my AC tried to tell me…that he was giving me a chance to save myself and opt out. Typical, the competitor in me just brushed it off. Things started going downhill from then and I never could understand why.

Just as JJ is, I am also 2 months NC (WOOHOO!!!). And just as NML predicted (but I didn’t believe it initially), my AC of 10 YEARS (!!!) has not even bothered to ask why I haven’t replied to his last sms. Like I never meant anything or really existed. He’s a text book case of everything written within this website. It’s embarassing what a great fool I have been and how I short-changed myself.

This whole process is really cathartic. I am beginning to see glimpses of the strong and true old me again…it’s exciting! Thanks over and over NML and all you great girls out there!!

These are the words taken right out of my EU-douchebag’s mouth.

The first time we were together and he backed away from the relationship he said, “Because I’m not in a position to give you what you are looking for, maybe it’s best if aren’t as close as we have been in the past to prevent any emotional disappointment.” It was a total copout and I was so hurt. Fast forward to 6 months later, I fell into his trap and thought he had a change of heart because of his charm, but once again,he messed with my emotions. This time, when I asked what was happening between us he said, “Can we still be friends? I’m still not ready to be in a serious relationship. Because I’m not really in a position to give you what you want, it’s best if we keep our distance.” After this incident (I know Natalie doesn’t approve of this method, but I had to do it for my own sanity and closure), I sent him an email telling him that it has been emotionally draining to have to see him everyday at work and that I can no longer be friends with him.

So far, so good. The first time we broke up, it was 6 months NC. This second round, it’s been almost 5 months and it’s been so great that he has moved to a different state. I feel like myself again at work (yes, we are coworkers and still work for the same company, but he now works remotely) and I am going to therapy weekly. My therapy away from therapy has been this site and I am SO thankful to all you wonderful women who share your stories to all of us who are in the same boat.

…….”don’t make the mistake of deciding that you will marginalise your own needs so that you can hang onto him because you’re setting yourself up for a mighty big, painful fall”.

So true So true. I never expressed my hurt or anger to my guy no matter what he was doing. I thought if I did he leave. Well it didn’t matter he left anyway. 8 months of NC and this site have made world of difference to me.

Thanks NML and all the others here. In the beginning of my journey to free myself there were some pretty dark days but I always knew I could come here and find something to read whether from Nat or others sharing their stories that would help me see I wasn’t alone and give me hope that I’d be ok.

I wish more men would come to this site and see what we see. I’d love their stories, input and feelings about relationships maybe it would help us see things clearer too.

OMG this post was your best yet, NML! If only we could take your advice to heart, EVERY time. My ex-EUM literally said the following to me throughout the course of our first several dates:

– I’m afraid of commitment
– I’ve cheated on all of my past girlfriends
– Every time something starts to get serious I freak out and sabotage it
– I believe in the double standard
– I’m bad news

WHAT??! And I kept seeing him. He fed my own ego because he was really attractive and great in bed, and I thought I could “handle” it and play his own game. I never let him know that his actions of disappearing and communicating only by text were not OK with me. I pretended I didn’t care and that I was the “cool” girl. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t let anyone hurt me this time (yes, I’ve been there/done that with the AC’s before!)… I really thought that would work! I thought — once you actually see how amazing I am you will be hooked. And I figured that takes time in ANY relationship, so why don’t I just stick it out until he starts to fall for me, too.

Which of course never happened, because these AC’s are incapable of it. The best advice I ever heard was “you can’t have a healthy relationship with an unhealthy person.”

SO I AM WARNING YOU NOW… get out while you can! The minute he says something that sounds like a red flag, run far away and never look back. I have thought of this AC every single day now for almost a year and a half. THAT is what I got from trying to be nonchalant and “fine” with whatever crumbs he threw me. It’s not like we ever had a fight or a big production at the end (or even during). I just went away and never called him back once I finally decided I couldn’t handle it anymore. And to this day I still don’t think he knows how deeply he affected me. But he is in my head every single day even though I’ve been NC for awhile now. I would give anything to just get him OUT. But once you fall for one of these guys, they don’t mentally go away easily (isn’t THAT ironic!).

Save yourself the future pain and don’t go there!!! It will always feel at the beginning like it’s OK and you can handle it. But I promise that once you turn the corner and start caring about them, it is a dead-end road that benefits only them and leaves you with a lot of baggage to clean up.

Take Natalie’s advice and believe the AC’s when they tell you who they are. Say a kind “thanks but no thanks” and rejoice in the fact that you now have an extra year of time that you will NOT spend getting over heartbreak. Use that time to find a GOOD man!!!

Thanks Trinity,
I think you are right. He actually knew his own struggels so,he was warning me to back off. Exactly what NML mantion above:

I am giving you a heads up and if you don’t have enough self-respect to move on and you stick around, I am not responsible for any pain that you may experience, even if I continue to shag you/get an ego stroke/or lean on your shoulder and moan. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that because I’m still around that I’m in a position to give you what you want – I’m not, but I am all out for getting my own needs met if you’re going to stick around and let me use you up.’

So, i think when a guy tell us “I dont want to hurt you” is exactly the same as ” I can’t give you want you want’
Only, I would be much more happier and healthier if i have found this site earlier -;(
i gave all of myself to this guy for last 3 years..and the result is…right now i’m having an burn out and some other physical pain and very difficult time to recover.. to come back to myself.

That’s why i would say to all women. Save yourself some Heartache on time!
dont wait, hope, and waste your energy and time with that kind of men!

Smarter now wrote above “even though I’ve been NC for awhile now. I would give anything to just get him OUT. But once you fall for one of these guys, they don’t mentally go away easily (isn’t THAT ironic!).”

I do believe it was Freud who said ” that which is unresolved bugs the sh*t out of us” ..well, that might be.paraphrased ; –)

Heres the thing…its not that we are supposed to understand the behavior of the flaky EUM/ AC’s of the world. I am sure many of them are just as confused by their behavior as we are.

What we are understand are, at least, these two things
1) we are seeking to resolve some childhood insecurities, by having them prove that we are worthy
2) it is hopeless to get this resolved by expecting an assclown to act like a great guy

The EUM/AC experience is valuable if you use it to really get down and examine why the hell you wanted someone who is incapable of being a good and stable force in your life….to be a good and stable force in your life.

This is magical frog into prince, beauty and beast thinking. My experience is the more you understand why you wanted an assclown so badly, the more you don’t want an assclown, and they start to leave your thoughts.

The other plus of being involved with these types is that you are getting clearer on what you do want. So, next time someone pulls an assinine move, or feeds you one of those lines, you can see it for what it is and be repulsed – not attracted.

But, all this understanding takes time, effort and work. Its normal for the AC to be in your head till you understand why he, of all people, a most unlikely candidate, was so important to you.

@ None,

You are so right about the feeling of “walking on the egg shells”.
That’s exactly how I felt when I was dating the guy

I also believe it was Freud that said – “sometimes a cigar is just a cigar” (don’t have to look deeply for meaning or answers,,,, take things at face value)
The words “I can’t give you what you want. IT will fail” came out of his mouth – verbatim after the 2nd time we slept together.
He actually had the nerve to say “I still want you to like me though”
i think over the years i spent pining and listening to his deluded stories – that was the most honest thing he had ever said to me. Let me say it again “I can’t give you what you want. This will fail, i still want you to like me though”
Hahahaha says the 37 year old counterdependant man/child!

And of course STILL i didn’t hear that. i heard what i wanted to hear… i knew better… how come we choose to hear what we want to hear? Why didn’t i accept the fact that he told me FLAT out that he couldn’t “give me what i wanted” I’ll tell why – he started calling everyday for a week, asking me more questions, being more attentive… and basically stepped it up in order to keep me happy for a while and shut me up. And it worked. He played me like a violin.

I started thinking what i was asking for was wrong, began to apologize for being needy (?) slowly started to feel desperate, worthless, unattractive and pathetic. And of course the more i felt this way, the more i held on. (daddy feeling). and this energy vampire continued to suck me dry.

These men are Incapable. of. Building. Attachments. period.

I know next time around, i will ask more questions, be more clear with my feelings, and communicate from a good place within me, not a place of fear. I’ll watch for the red flags and trust my gut.

Sometimes the worst things that happen to us, turn out to be the best lessons.

6 months NC

@ used

Thank you!!
I will not call him, or text him.
There are urges to do that time to time.
But I should not. And will not.
The funny thing is He looked like this total gentleman till then. He has waited so long till he brings up “going somewhere private”.
I still wonder what it was about….
Though I felt so strange that we were not talking about anything about the future during our date.
He went so quiet when I talk about doing something together in the future….
So, basically he can’t give me what I want, but still stayed around by managing my expectation; only texting. No calling.
Also, when he texts, he does not bother talking about how our day was, or any other stuff to make a small talk about. But just talked about when we will meet up, and where.

I wonder what was it that he wanted from me…
a company? Or sex?

@Alone

I was reading your post and something just stood out to me when you mentioned about his finances and he was always coming up short; and he had a decent job. My ex ass clown was always coming up short and it started feeling like he went from being head over heels about me but then he started to use me. Every week it and every single day was always something that he needed money for; light bill; water bill; his mortgage it was always something and he would always come to me like I was suppose to fix his mess and if I couldn’t contribute so to speak he became more cruel and started blowing more cold. I am 2 months no contact today and I know I had to cut him from my life otherwise I was going to be his financial way out of everything. Its all about them and I can bet that whatever shag he’s with that he’s using her to pay for something because this is how he lives. He gets his supply from different women and when that supply has dried up he will defintely try to fall back on me; but its not happening. Ever!!

This is a great blog post and a great comment thread. I am a guy, but not an EUM (at least I don’t think that I am). I do have Asperger’s, so sometimes emotional stuff is harder to read and project, but that doesn’t seem to be the problem discussed here. The EUM are actually telling women that they are EUM, but the women are unable or unwilling to listen and understand what that means.

A heuristic I have thought of to help women pick someone suitable is to imagine the type of guy they would want their daughter to marry (even if they don’t have a daughter yet), and pick that kind of guy to date. Children are attracted to people who are like their opposite gender parent, the opposite gender parent becomes the archetypal example of who is a suitable mate. If your father is an EUM, then you are likely to be attracted to an EUM because it “feels” right and you know how to interact with an EUM. If you want your daughter to be attracted to an EUM, pick one to be her father and she very likely will be.

Lenny

You were 7 months no contact. You were well on your way so why would you break no contact to reach out to him only for him to reject you anyway. That could not have felt too good. I am just 2 months NC and I would rather jump off a cliff than break nc and call my ex ass clown. He wasn’t thinking about you sO why bother?

It never ceases to amaze me how those 2 simple sentences are misinterpreted and coded and translated and etc. etc. etc. It’s like translating from Spanish to Japanese. 😐 Those 2 sentences mean EXACTLY what they say – no reading between the lines, no continued ruminations, no commiserating with friends to determine what it “really meant – they mean just that.

Some things are complex and some things are quite simple. This one is simple. 😉

Question?

It is now going on into 3 months that I have cut contact with my ex ass clown narcissists ex and also my ex of 4 years ago keeps calling me. I was wondering if I should block thery’re numbers because #1. I never answer when my ex of 4years ago calls and have no intentions of ever going back there with him again and 2. The ex ass clown that I just cut contact with; its only been 3 months since we haven’t spoken; know that I will never get back with him ever especially on the way things ended nasty between us(him degrading me) but for some reason something tells me that he’ll try to call eventually when long enough time has passed and 3 months is still quite early. If I go ahead and block the ass hole’s # I won’t have to wonder if he ever called cause I won’t know. Number will stay blocked for 3 months. My friend tells me not to do so cause she thinks that blocking the #’s from both my ex’s portrays a sign of weakness and only shows that I went through the trouble of thinking about them to block their numbers when technically I’m not going to bother answering the phone anyway. She says ignoring them is the best dilema because if they do call it makes more sense if I just don’t return the call than block their number. Does this makes sense? Should I block or does she have a point?