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Wedding Traditions
by Burgh Brides July 12, 2016
This month’s Ask Burgh Brides question is one that gets asked more often than it should. So, let’s settle this debate once and for all, shall we?
The answer? No, negative, nein, non, not ok. Etiquette says that you can’t invite someone to your bridal shower (and expect them to give a gift) but not invite them to the wedding. It’s a major faux pas. Inviting someone to one event but not the other sends the message that they were good enough to make the shower guest list, but not good enough to be at the main attraction. It also sort of seems like you’re just fishing for a gift. While that may not be true, it’s still the impression it gives. It can lead to hurt feelings and damaged relationships. Just don’t do it.
A shower invite list should include a bride’s nearest and dearest and it’s typically compiled after the wedding invitation list has been created. Therefore, anyone invited to the shower should already be getting their ticket to the big show. If that isn’t the case, don’t include them now.
There is one tiny exception I can think of…work showers. Often, your co-workers want to celebrate with you and will coordinate an office bridal shower. In this case, it’s absolutely ok to go along with their plans but not invite your colleagues to the wedding. I think it’s safe to assume their expectations don’t include a wedding invitation.
What do you think? Is it ok to invite someone to the bridal shower but not the wedding? Comment below and help a fellow Burgh Bride out!
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The only time I ever heard of this etiquette rule being broken making sense (aside from work showers), was a bride’s mother & mother’s bff had a tradition of throwing each others’ children’s showers. However, for this bride, the mother’s bff was not invited to the wedding but still wanted to throw the bride a shower. In this case, it hurt the mother’s bff’s feelings more to have that shower-offer rejected, than to just let her plan a shower for a wedding she wasn’t invited to. ‘Depends on people’s love languages, I suppose.
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Makes sense, I suppose! Whatever makes them happy!
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It’s amazing how many showers I’m invited to but not the wedding. Left out of the ‘fun ‘event! I think what happens is, they feel that they want to include everyone and don’t want to leave anyone out. But what they’re doing is actually worse than not including the person for both events. Sometimes you’ll even be invited to the reception but not the wedding which is also odd. And vice versa
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My bride and groom are having a family-only wedding. The shower/party guests know this but are invited to the shower to celebrate the bride and shower her with love. Guest list include mostly work friends.
I believe this is perfectly acceptable when reception dinners are so terribly expensive and they bride and groom want an intimate chapel ceremonyReply
This post was written long before COVID and certain etiquette has changed since then! What used to be considered a faux pas is now often socially acceptable if handled the correct way.
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Our daughter is inviting immediate family only to wedding ceremony but then inviting cousins and friends small group) to wedding reception. Is it ok to invite the cousins and friends to a bridal shower that were included in only the reception in your opinion?
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My son and his fiancé are coming into town in June(they live 4 states away) for a visit. They are getting married in November where they live. It is going to be a small ceremony. I want to invite friends over for an Open House to see my son and meet his fiancé. We are going to say, no gifts, just come and have fun. Only a few of my friends are invited to the ceremony. How do I do this? What should I name the party?
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If the bride wishes not to have a wedding shower, should they inform their wedding invitees?
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I just returned from a wedding shower. I actually didn’t a second thought about the wedding , that is until I asked a friend I was sitting next to when the wedding was and she responded with “you weren’t invited to the wedding?” Now I’m pissed, especially because I put a pretty generous bill in the card. Should I say something? Honesty, I really don’t want to go to the wedding, but it would’ve been nice to be asked.
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I was just at a bridal shower yesterday and was informed the bride didn’t want a shower because she couldn’t invite everyone to the wedding. But her grandmother threw her a shower anyway. Her 2 aunts had to throw a fit to get invited to the wedding, so I guess that leaves me out, as a non relative who isn’t all that close to the bride. My heart was broken the whole time and I had to sit there and pretend I was enjoying it. Even worse, the bride and her mother ignored me the whole time, so obviously I was only there because the grandmother invited me. The bride is my pastors daughter, to make it even worse.
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