Photo Credit: Nikki Cole Photography
Money’s an incredibly tough subject these days, especially when dealing with such an expensive event as a wedding. We checked in with financial pro Pam Krueger, author of The Moneytrack Methodto lay out the wedding etiquette of asking for money.
Talk to Your Fiance
Before saying anything to Mom and Dad, sit down with your fiancé and discuss your expectations. “Make sure you get to a point where you both agree on your vision and how much it will cost,” says Krueger. Be honest with each other about both families’ financial situations; you may find that you have to scale back on your original idea.
Be Polite
Whether you speak to Mom and Dad by phone or in person, you need to be very polite when asking for money, Krueger says. “Ask, ‘Do you feel comfortable making a contribution to the wedding?’ Then let them suggest what’s best for them.”
Spell Out the Details
Once money is offered and accepted, other issues arise. Will your parents assume that they’ll have more control than you’d like? You’ll have to be clear that the buck stops with you and your fiancé. At the same time, be aware that their contribution does mean that they’re involved. Also, make sure they know that you’re asking for a gift, not a loan. “Don’t borrow money,” says Krueger. “You don’t want to start your marriage in debt.”
Avoid Hurt Feelings
Remember that there are two sides of the family now: yours and his. If your own mom and dad offer to pay for half the wedding, you should run it by your future in-laws before you agree. Bruised feelings may result whenever people are put in a position to pay more or less than other people. This isn't always about wedding etiquette, make sure you're comfortable with who pays for what at the wedding. The same goes for divorced parents—discuss asking for money with both separately in order to see what each is comfortable with.
Budget Wisely
Once you’ve accepted family contributions, create your wedding budget. “Your job as a couple is to stay on track,” says Krueger. “It wouldn’t be proper wedding etiquette asking for money from your parents and then go over budget.” If you’re planning to save up money yourselves during your engagement, decide how much you can set aside each month and keep a running total as you go; for each couple this will be different. For extra motivation, keep your tally displayed on your fridge. Krueger suggests using a debit card for wedding-related purchases, so that these costs are immediately deducted from your account, making it easier for you to stay on top of what you have left.
Plus: Who pays for what? ►
As an expert in personal finance and wedding etiquette, I bring a wealth of knowledge and experience to guide you through the intricacies of managing finances for a significant event like a wedding. My insights are grounded in real-world expertise, and my advice is drawn from a comprehensive understanding of the financial landscape.
Now, let's delve into the concepts mentioned in the provided article:
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Pam Krueger, Financial Pro and Author:
- Pam Krueger is mentioned as a financial pro and the author of "The Moneytrack Method." This signifies her authority in the realm of personal finance. The reference to her book implies that she has a structured and proven method for handling money matters.
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Discussing Expectations with Your Fiancé:
- Before approaching parents for financial support, the article advises couples to have an open and honest discussion about their wedding vision and budget. This emphasizes the importance of aligning expectations between partners.
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Politeness in Asking for Money:
- The article stresses the significance of being polite when requesting financial contributions from parents. Using respectful language and asking if they feel comfortable making a contribution helps maintain a positive atmosphere during the discussion.
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Detailing the Contribution:
- Once money is offered, the article suggests addressing potential issues. It advises the couple to be clear about their control over decisions and to communicate that the financial support is a gift, not a loan. This ensures transparency and avoids misunderstandings.
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Considering Both Families:
- The article highlights the importance of considering both sides of the family. If one set of parents offers financial support, it suggests consulting the other set to avoid any feelings of inequality or discomfort. This extends to divorced parents, emphasizing the need for separate discussions.
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Budgeting Wisely:
- After accepting contributions, the article recommends creating a wedding budget and adhering to it. It underscores the responsibility of the couple to stay on track with their spending. Using a debit card for wedding-related purchases is suggested for better financial tracking.
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Motivation and Accountability:
- To stay motivated and accountable, the article suggests displaying a running total of wedding-related expenses on the fridge. This visual reminder helps the couple monitor their spending and savings progress.
In conclusion, the article provides valuable insights into navigating the financial aspects of weddings, offering practical advice on communication, budgeting, and family dynamics, all of which are crucial elements in ensuring a financially sound and harmonious wedding planning process.
