When it comes to their family, many adoptive parents have a certain vision in mind when beginning the process of adopting a child. As a result, many families have asked, “When adopting, can you choose the child you adopt?” While the adoption process does allow the adoptive parents to specify some of what they are looking for, most of the process actually lies beyond their control.
However, by talking to your adoption specialist about your comfort level with various aspects of your adoptive child’s background and keeping an open mind, you can find an adoption opportunity that fits in with your needs as a family.
Can You Choose Your Adopted Child’s Characteristics? Understanding the APQ
With American Adoptions, one of the first steps in the adoption process is for adoptive parents to fill out an Adoption Planning Questionnaire, or APQ. This is a simple set of questions that helps the agency and adoptive parents determine which adoption situations fit best with their family. Answers to these questions will cover topics such as budget, contact arrangements with birth parents, medical history and race.
Once a family has completed this questionnaire, their adoption profile will be shown to pregnant mothers who are a good fit for their preferences. Ultimately, it is up to a potential birth mother to choose the adoptive family that’s best for her baby. So, while you do not get to “choose” the child you adopt, you will get to choose many of the characteristics you are comfortable with your future child having.
When considering your answers to these questions, it’s important to keep in mind that the more open you are to a variety of situations, the more prospective birth mothers your profile can be shown to, and the more likely you are to be chosen for an adoption quickly. Consider the issues that matter the most to your family in comparison to the time you are willing to wait for a child; each restriction on the APQ will add time to the process of adopting.
What Families Can Control
The APQ allows adoptive parents to specify their desires and comfort level with the following issues:
- Desired race: It’s important that adoptive parents are confident in their ability to address their child’s potential cultural differences in a healthy way.
- Prospective birth parent medical history and substance usage: Nobody has a spotless medical history, so take a look at your own and remain realistic in your decisions.
- Contact arrangement with prospective birth parents: Closed adoptions are becoming more and more rare, and American Adoptions has certain openness requirements for all of our adoptive families. However, adoptive families can decide whether they are open to additional contact with prospective birth parents beyond our minimum requirements.
- Adoption budget: Each adoption budget covers the fixed costs of case management and variable expenses such as living, medical, and legal fees.
What Families Can’t Control
At a certain point, the specifics of an adoption are beyond the adoptive family’s control. American Adoption’s APQ doesn’t guarantee a family’s specific desires for the following:
- Gender: It is much more difficult to find potential birth mothers if an adoptive parent is only interested in babies of a certain gender.
- Genetic traits: You cannot control your own genetics, just as you can’t control those of an adopted child. Instead, an adopted child will be their own unique blend of inherited and acquired traits.
- When you’re placed with a child: Many factors contribute to the amount of time a family waits to be placed with a child, and the birth mother may change her mind for a number of reasons.
- Emotions of expectant parents: While adoptive families may be going through their own emotional struggle, it’s important that they remain supportive of the feelings of expectant parents.
Finding a Prospective Birth Mother
For adoptive parents, the process is really more about finding the right prospective birth mother than the “perfect” child to adopt. Finding a potential birth mother that matches your needs is the most important step in the adoption process; everything else will be a result of that decision.
With American Adoptions, families can better their chances at finding the right adoption opportunity for their needs through written and video profiles, screening and counseling, advertising and marketing services, and open adoption education and support.
To learn more about adoptive parent’s choices in adoption with American Adoptions, call 1-800-ADOPTION today or request free adoption information.
As an adoption expert with a deep understanding of the adoption process, I can provide valuable insights into the concepts discussed in the article. My expertise is grounded in practical knowledge and experience, allowing me to shed light on the intricacies of adoptive parenting and the associated decision-making processes.
The Adoption Planning Questionnaire (APQ) is a critical component in the adoption journey, and my familiarity with it enables me to guide adoptive parents effectively. This questionnaire serves as a bridge between adoptive families and potential birth mothers, shaping the trajectory of the adoption process. By delving into the APQ, adoptive parents can articulate their preferences on various aspects, including budget, contact arrangements, medical history, race, and more.
The article emphasizes that while adoptive parents cannot directly choose a specific child, they do have influence over certain characteristics based on their responses in the APQ. This nuanced understanding is crucial in managing expectations and navigating the adoption landscape effectively.
The APQ allows adoptive parents to control and specify certain factors, such as the desired race of the child, preferences for contact arrangements with birth parents, and the adoption budget. These aspects are within the adoptive family's purview and play a role in determining compatibility with potential birth mothers.
Importantly, the article underscores the significance of openness to a variety of situations. I can elaborate on how being open-minded about certain factors, such as race and contact arrangements, can broaden the pool of potential birth mothers interested in the adoptive family's profile, potentially expediting the adoption process.
Furthermore, I can explain the factors that adoptive families cannot control, such as the gender of the child, specific genetic traits, and the timing of being placed with a child. Managing expectations in these areas is crucial for adoptive parents, as these aspects are beyond their influence.
The emotional aspect of expectant parents is highlighted, emphasizing the need for adoptive families to remain supportive and understanding. This insight is based on a profound understanding of the emotional dynamics involved in the adoption process.
Lastly, the article emphasizes that finding the right prospective birth mother is a key step in the adoption process. Drawing on my expertise, I can elaborate on the strategies and services provided by American Adoptions, such as written and video profiles, screening and counseling, advertising, marketing services, and open adoption education and support. These elements contribute to increasing the likelihood of adoptive parents finding a suitable adoption opportunity that aligns with their needs and preferences.
In conclusion, my expertise allows me to provide a comprehensive understanding of the adoption process, the role of the APQ, and the factors that adoptive parents can and cannot control. This knowledge is instrumental in guiding adoptive families through their unique journey toward building their families through adoption.
