As speech therapists, when we give the news of a language delay, parents often ask, “Did I cause my child’s speech delay? What could I have done differently?” If you’ve felt or wondered this, or you’re feeling it right now, hear us when we say that your child’s speech delay is absolutely not your fault. We wrote this post to reassure you, share information on delays, and provide you with clear next steps you can take when you’re ready.
You’re Not Alone
We’re really happy to be writing this blog post, you know why? Because we want to put an end to however the myth that “parents cause speech delays” started. It’s an unfortunate myth that we know causes a lot of unnecessary guilt, hurt, and self-doubt in parents like you, so it’s gotta go!
We don’t expect that just saying “it’s not your fault” will instantly make all your feelings about your child's delay go away. We know it’s more complicated than that. But, we do hope it helps to hear that we’ve worked with hundreds of families in the past 20+ years, plus reached thousands online, and all of them have told us they felt (or feel) what you’re feeling now. Try to keep in mind that you are not alone in feeling this way. You are walking this path alongside so many other (amazing) parents who understand your experiences and might even be able to help you through!
If you haven’t found a community of parents yet, check out @WeeTalkers on Instagram. There are so many families of children with speech and/or language delays hanging out with us there.
It’s Not Your Fault
It’s not your fault if your little one has a communication delay. We wish we could give you a hug, look you in the eye, and tell you this face-to-face. Because we know self-doubt and blame can be loud, but we want the message that you are a fantastic parent to be even louder. Some of the most amazing parents we know have sat in our therapy rooms—or we’ve sat on their living room floors. Delays are not reflections on you as parents.
If speech and language delays were caused by parents, there wouldn’t be phenomenal speech-language pathologists who have children with language delays. (There are.) It also wouldn’t make sense that parents who never made speech and language a priority have children who skated by without a language delay. (Happens really often.)
It’s not anything you did or didn’t do. It’s just that children’s brains are all wired a little differently!
Possible Causes of Speech Delays
Speaking of being wired differently, in case you’re wondering, these are a few of the MANY reasons why speech and language delays occur:
Autism
Hearing loss
Trauma
Phonological processing disorders
Chronic ear infections
Oral-motor difficulties
Prematurity
Cognitive delay
Late language emergence (“late talkers”)
(We would love to pause here and ask you to notice how none of these are within your control as a parent 💛 Not one!)
Delays can also be caused by neglect, abuse, or an event or circ*mstance that was really disruptive to development. These are atypical scenarios though that we rarely encounter. For the average parent doing their best, you can rest assured that your child’s speech or language delay is definitely not your fault.
Possible Causes of Late Language Emergence (“Late Talkers”)
As you can see from the list above, there are many disorders that can affect speech and language skill development. But one cause listed above—being a “late talker”—is a little different from the others. With a late talker, also known as a child with late language emergence (LLE), children are slow to begin to talk, without any of the causes to explain why.
Because we know this can be difficult for families looking for answers, we’re going to share some additional factors that can lead to late language emergence, from the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association (ASHA):
Child-Related Factors of LLE
Gender: Boys are at higher risk for LLE than girls.
Motor Development: Children with LLE were found to have delayed motor development.
Birth Status: Children born at less than 85% of their optimum birth weight or earlier than 37 weeks gestation were found to be at higher risk for LLE.
Early Language Development: Language abilities at 12 months appear to be one of the better predictors of communication skills at 2 years.
Family-Related Factors of LLE
Family History: Children with LLE are more likely to have a parent with a history of LLE.
Siblings: Children with LLE are less likely than children without LLE to be an only child.
Mother's Education and Family Socioeconomic Status: Lower maternal education and lower SES of the family are associated with higher risk for LLE.
Screen Time & LLE
The American Academy of Pediatrics discourages screen use for all children younger than 18 months (unless it’s used for video chatting). Infant exposure to certain types of media was associated with lower language scores, although the relationship between media and language development is not fully understood.
Why Some Kids Need More Help Than Others
When it comes to toddlers, A + B doesn’t always equal C. You can do all the right things, and still have a late talker or a child with a delay. For a whole host of reasons, some children just need more help than others with certain things.
When it comes to speech and language, the majority of little ones learn language IMPLICITLY. This means they don’t require the use of specific language strategies. Rather, they just observe the language around them and imitate it without much difficulty. For little ones with speech and/or language delays though, this isn’t the case. They require more EXPLICIT input—things like intentional language strategies to promote communication development—which is usually delivered through speech therapy, but can be heavily supported at home, too.
Remember, if your child requires more explicit speech and language input, it isn’t a reflection on you. You are a fantastic parent just for asking questions, learning how to support your little one, and getting the interventions they need as necessary.
The Silver Lining Around Your Child’s Diagnosis
Some families may not be at this point yet, but for those whose children have received a diagnosis following a speech and language assessment, if you can, try to see it as a good thing. You can now get support, answers, and put strategies in place to help them reach their language goals, and that’s incredible!
Depending on where you’re at with processing your child’s diagnosis, we know this statement could feel like a big stretch. (It’s okay if that’s the case for you!) But as therapists, we see a lot of good come from getting a proper diagnosis.
Now that you know your child has a speech or language delay, you can get answers and strategies. You’ll be able to work with your speech-language pathologist who will guide you in how to give more of that explicit input your child needs. And now, you aren’t the only one responsible for providing and advocating for the support they need.
The Best Person To Help Your Child Is You!
You are not the cause of your child’s delay, but you can be a big piece of the puzzle when it comes to them improving their communication skills going forward!
As speech therapists, we don’t just step in and “fix” a delay during a handful of therapy sessions. (Although sometimes we wish we could do that for you and your child!) What really happens is that your child does most of the work themselves—with guidance from us and support from you.
You’re with your child more than we could ever be, and know them better than we ever could. No one knows them better than you. So instead of being the “owners” of your child’s therapy plan, we’ll partner with you and your family, teaching you to help them make progress.
How To Help Your Toddler Make Progress
While your toddler’s delay is decidedly not your fault (we really can’t say that enough!), there are absolutely things you can do to support your child in their language development. These are the first steps we recommend you take:
#1 Learn About Communication Milestones
Milestones are abilities and skills that 90% of children usually demonstrate within a certain age range. In speech therapy, to look at your child’s development and figure out where they’re at compared to where we’d expect them to be, as therapists, we use toddler communication milestones.
Knowing which milestones your toddler has met—and which ones they’ll need help with—is going to be so helpful throughout your communication journey. To make this super simple, we created a free communication milestones checklist you can download, print out, and refer back to:
Milestone checklist
#2 Seek Support Through Speech Therapy
Whenever you have concerns about your toddler’s speech and language development, we recommend reaching out to your pediatrician. And if you’re ever told to “wait and see” or you just know in your gut that help is needed despite what you’re told, you can always reach out directly to a speech-language pathologist or, if you’re in Canada or the US, self-refer to an early intervention program.
Related: The Cost of Speech Therapy for Toddlers
Remember, your concerns are so valid. It’s not overreacting to seek support. Out of all the families we’ve worked with, none have ever said they’re glad they waited—only that they wish they’d reached out sooner. And at the end of the day, even if you find out your child doesn’t need ongoing therapy, you’ll still be so glad to have received information ASAP!
#3 Educate Yourself As Much As Possible
Whether you’re just starting to worry, you want to be proactive, or you’re looking for more that you can do alongside speech therapy, we recommend educating yourself on all the small, simple-but-impactful ways you can support your child’s progress at home.
As parents and caregivers, the little moments we have with our children in the day really do add up. And when we’re equipped with the knowledge of what they need to make progress—like what skills to encourage and how to nurture them—we can make the most out of those interactions.
If you’d like to make sure you’re doing all you can at home, check out TalkToddler: the course that teaches parents how to get their toddlers talking and communicating more. You’ll learn background information on speech and language development, understand what your child is experiencing, and get concrete tips, activities, and tweaks you can implement to help them succeed at home.
Explore Talktoddler
We’re In It With You
We’re moms of 6 kids and as pediatric speech therapists, we’ve supported so many parents through the diagnosis of a speech/language delay. If you have questions, need support, or just want to connect with more families who get what you’re going through, reach out.
You can connect with us and other Wee Talkers families on Instagram or in our programs and memberships. We’re in it with you and here for you 💛
Toddlers
Carly Tulloch
9 Comments
