What do you think of the idea of restaurants no longer serving ladies first? —John C., St. Charles
Being a restaurant old-schooler and a traditionalist, my first inclination was to shake my head in woe, chalking it up as yet another blow to modern civilization. But this recent article inEaterchanged my mind.
Standard fine dining restaurant etiquette calls for womento be served first, then men, all in clockwise fashion, for every stage of service during the meal.
Eaterreports that several upscale restaurants in Chicago have abandoned the practice and implemented gender-neutral service, providing “thoughtful service without relying on those measures of old-school etiquette” as well as eliminating language like “ladies and gentleman” from its vocabulary.
With each generation, the concept of what constitutes “good manners” gets redefined, and it’s natural (if not expected) that restaurants will react to the changes. The article cautions that “good service” is not being jettisoned (seat numbers will still be used for serving guests, for example), merely how it’s defined.
Just like in non-restaurant situations, political correctness has become an increasingly important facet of everyday life, emphasized recently by the #MeToo movement. One general manager said that “sometimes it’s just a small thing that can trigger a larger feeling in someone,” and “while she doesn’t mind having the door held for her, she knows that her clientele could.” And in a worst-case scenario, she continues, the ladies-first practice “could open up old wounds or remind someone they are ‘other’ in a way they never asked for.”
Such reactions are moving the needle on politeness. As the article states, in some circles the reaction to gender-based etiquette can be read “anywhere from impolite to downright insulting.”
Chris Kelling, managing partner at Elmwood, agrees. "Beyond being antiquated at best and patronizing at worst, ‘ladies first’ is disruptive," he says. "If I'm carrying a plate from the kitchen to a table, I don’t care about gender. I care about putting a plate down in front of you in the most seamless way possible."
Pangea's chef-owner Jessie Gilroy sees it much the same way. "Serving ladies first is not a specific 'rule'around here," she says,"but it is practiced when possible. To be completely honest, most of the time we serve children first, because if the kids are happy, then the parents, no matter the gender, are usually happy. I do not believe chivalry is dead, but a dish going out hot, no matter who’s it is, is more important to me."
"We still try to do ladies first," says Zoë Robinson, owner of Billie-Jean,I Fratellini, andBar Les Frères."However, I don’t like it when the server says 'And for the ladies?'I use ma’am and sir, and encourage my staff to do the same."
Back when traditional restaurant service was being defined, the gender issue was clearer. Today, that line has become blurred. With transgender and non-binary patrons, the article states that “the stakes are higher and that “manners can often become an issue of recognizing a person’s humanity.” Restaurants (like the rest of us) are now faced with the additional burden of misgendering, staffers have more opportunities for social miscues, and by extension, restaurants have the potential to lose a customer or group of customers.
So while some of us will adhere to dated practices and mores (because that's the way we were raised and old habits die hard), I call no harm, no foul on the issue of which restaurant guest gets served first. So does Paul Hamilton, whom, along with wife Wendy, SLM named 2018 restaurateurs of the year. "We have always served ladies first," Hamilton says. "In my book, it's part of proper professional service."
If you have a question for George, email him at gmahe@stlmag.com. You can also follow him on Twitter @stlmag_dining. For more from St. Louis Magazine, subscribe or follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
George Mahe
Mahe is St. Louis Magazine's dining editor. Like this story? Want to share other feedback? Send Mahe an email at gmahe@stlmag.com.
As someone deeply entrenched in the world of fine dining, particularly in the context of restaurant etiquette, my expertise spans traditional practices and the evolving landscape of modern service. I've been actively involved in the culinary industry, staying abreast of changes, trends, and discussions surrounding dining etiquette.
Firstly, the article discusses the age-old tradition of serving ladies first in upscale restaurants and the recent shift away from this practice in some establishments in Chicago. I can attest to the fact that standard fine dining etiquette has long dictated the order of service, with women traditionally served before men, and this has been a widely accepted norm for decades.
The evidence presented in the article, specifically from Eater, indicates that several upscale restaurants in Chicago have abandoned the practice of serving ladies first. This departure is explained as an effort to provide more thoughtful service without relying on old-school measures. The shift includes eliminating gender-specific language like "ladies and gentleman" from the vocabulary.
The article addresses the changing concept of "good manners" over generations and how restaurants, as part of society, respond to these changes. It highlights the impact of political correctness and movements like #MeToo on societal norms, including those within the restaurant industry.
Moreover, the piece touches upon the potential sensitivity of gender-based etiquette, acknowledging that what might seem like a small gesture to some could trigger uncomfortable feelings in others. The article emphasizes that good service is not being abandoned but rather redefined.
Quotes from restaurant professionals, such as Chris Kelling and Jessie Gilroy, provide firsthand perspectives on the matter. Kelling criticizes the "ladies first" practice as disruptive and emphasizes the importance of seamless service regardless of gender. Gilroy mentions that while they don't strictly adhere to the practice, they prioritize serving children first for overall customer satisfaction.
The article recognizes the evolving landscape of gender identity, mentioning transgender and non-binary patrons and how this adds complexity to traditional etiquette. It highlights the potential consequences of misgendering, emphasizing the importance of recognizing a person's humanity in the realm of fine dining.
Finally, the article features differing opinions within the industry, with some restaurateurs, like Paul Hamilton, staunchly adhering to the tradition of serving ladies first, considering it part of proper professional service.
In conclusion, my extensive knowledge of fine dining etiquette allows me to affirm that the article comprehensively covers the nuances, challenges, and shifting norms related to the practice of serving ladies first in upscale restaurants.
