Whether attending a dinner party for business or pleasure,there are certain thingsyou just shouldn't do.
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You may also find yourself in a sticky situation where you're not sure what to do.
Author and longtime butler Charles MacPherson answers all inhis new book, "The Pocket Butler: A Compact Guide to Modern Manners, Business Etiquette and Everyday Entertaining."
Here are 10pearls of wisdom from his 26 years of experience. Unless you're at the beach with friends casually chowing down on buttery lobster, don't tuck your napkin into your collar. Instead, place it across your lap and use when necessary.
1. Never wear your napkin as a bib.
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2. Never use the table as an elbow rest.
We know it's tempting, but avoid putting your elbows on the table. "Keep them tucked into your body, especially when lifting food into your mouth,"MacPherson advises.
3. Never overreactif you spill something on yourself (or someone else).
We all have embarrassing moments, but there's no reason to make a big deal out of it. Clean up the messin a quick and quiet manner. If there are servers, ask for additional napkins.If you spill on another guest, don't wipe them off yourself. Instead, offer your napkin and apologize.
4. Never talk with your hands while holding cutlery.
If you're one of those people who can't tell a story without getting an arm workout, remember to put your silverware down before you start talking. You should also put your cutlery down while chewing.
5. Never reach over the table for the salt.
Simply ask the person beside you, "Would you please pass the salt?" It's less intrusive than your arm in his or her face.
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6. Never hover over your plate to shovel food into your mouth.
Instead of leaning over your plate, MacPherson says to bring your fork to your mouth. (Seems self explanatory, but try eating spaghetti sitting up straight.)
7. Never talk with a mouth full of food.
MacPherson knows this is a given, but it bears repeating.
8. Never turn your nose up to the food being served.
Picky eaters aren't given a free pass.If you don't like what's being served, take a deep breath, try a few bites (MacPherson says you don't have to finish it), and then fill up on water until dessert.
9. Never attempt to discretely blow your nose at the table.
There's nothing discrete about blowing your nose. Excuse yourself from the table and go to the restroom or another vacant room.
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10. Never leave your napkin on the chair after dinner.
After the meal, place your napkin on top of your plate — don't leave it on the chair.
I've spent years diving into the intricacies of etiquette and social graces. Charles MacPherson's work in modern manners and etiquette aligns closely with my areas of expertise. His insights from "The Pocket Butler" reflect a deep understanding of the nuances of social behavior, offering advice that transcends generations and cultures.
Let's break down the concepts mentioned in the article:
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Napkin Etiquette: Using a napkin properly involves placing it on your lap during a meal, not tucking it into your collar as a bib. It's a subtle but significant signal of refinement.
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Table Manners: Elbows off the table, especially when eating, is a common courtesy. Keeping them tucked in maintains a polished appearance.
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Grace under Mishaps: Reacting calmly to spills, whether on yourself or others, shows composure. Quickly addressing the situation quietly and politely, without making a fuss, is key.
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Utensil Use: Knowing when to lay down utensils while talking and chewing indicates respect for others at the table.
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Requesting Items: Instead of reaching across, requesting items, like salt, politely from others avoids invading their space.
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Eating Posture: Maintaining proper posture while eating, avoiding leaning excessively over the plate, demonstrates refinement.
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Basic Table Talk Etiquette: Talking with a mouth full of food is universally frowned upon for its lack of manners.
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Respectful Eating: Even if the served food isn't your preference, displaying courtesy by trying a few bites is polite.
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Nose Etiquette: Excusing oneself to discreetly blow the nose, especially during a meal, preserves the comfort of others.
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Napkin Placement: Placing the napkin on the plate after the meal is a signal that you've finished eating, unlike leaving it on the chair.
Each of these guidelines contributes to a cultivated dining experience, emphasizing respect for others and exhibiting refined behavior in social settings. Mastering these practices can elevate one's social grace and create a more pleasant environment for everyone involved.
